Maggie
Lord save me from a man on a mission.
Because I’m not sure I can save myself.
“And then, after you told him y’all needed to cool things off, he kissed you again?” Eva takes a sip of wine, her eyes filled with wonder. “Right there up against his truck?”
“No.” I jerk my chin from side to side. “To call that a kiss makes it sound ordinary. It was far from ordinary. It was all heat and pressure and passion, like he’d reached his limits and had been pushed beyond them. Like he wanted to devour me whole.”
“Oh sweet Jesus.” Eva fans her face despite it being a chilly night and despite her being snuggled beneath a fuzzy throw blanket.
“You’re not helping.” I point to her. When Jean-Pierre makes a pained sound while clutching his heart, I tell him, “And neither are you.”
It’s been four days since the picnic. Four days since the kiss… Excuse me, that should beThe Kiss—that thing definitely deserves to be capitalized and italicized. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced anything quite like it before, and I’m not sure I’m prepared to experience anything quite like it again.
But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, during each and every minute of each and every one of the past four days, I’ve struggled to sort out the tangled web of my feelings. For Cash. For Luc. For Cash and Luc. I’ve tried to find a way to make sure no one gets hurt.
It’s proved impossible.
This evening, I did the only thing left to me. I called in the cavalry.
There’s strength in numbers, right? Power in the hive mind?
With the promise of dinner and wine, I convinced Eva and Jean-Pierre to come over. Aunt Bea was enough of an influence on me, however, that I waited untilafterI served dessert and we took ourselves onto the balcony before dropping the bomb about what’s been happening between me and Luc since New Year’s Eve.
At first, the conversation stopped and started and sputtered like an old car with clogged filters as Jean-Pierre and Eva peppered me with questions.
“…does Cash know about…”
“…what happens when…”
“…how will you choose who…”
Now, with the entire tale out there, the three of us are quiet, staring at the brooding black clouds that have crowded around each other until they’ve blocked out the moon and the stars. The air is heavy, pressing against the skin of my face. Soon the rain will start.
Usually, I like nothing better than sitting on my balcony on nights like this. Watching the fat drops of water fall on the rooftops across the way and seeing the street below flood. But this evening I can’t concentrate on anything but the mess that is my life.
Cash seems to be getting worse by the day. The charges against Luc still haven’t been dropped. I’ve been dodging a particularly tenacious reporter who keeps trying to get me on the record about why Sullivan came out to Luc’s house, even though I’ve told her three times I won’t comment until Luc’s been cleared of all charges. And to top it off, now I’m having a crisis of conscience when it comes to two of the most important men in my life.
Hallelujah and pass the self-flagellation whip!
“I feel like this is some sort of karmic payback,” I say, ruffling Yard’s ears. I’m reclined back into a chaise, and my loyal companion is between my legs, curled into his delightful doggy doughnut, nose to tail. “But for what I don’t know. I mean, I’ve tried never to cheat or steal or badmouth folks. Then again, anytime I read one of those silly books with a love triangle, I always scoffed and rolled my eyes. I thought it was impossible to love two people equally. And now look at me. Maybe this is the universe’s way of punishing me for being so self-righteous.”
“Me, I hate to break it to you,cher,” Jean-Pierre says. “But da universe don’t care enough ’bout us one way or da other to be praisin’ or punishin’.It’s all chance and circumstance,maisyeah?”
“Is your love for themtrulyequal?” Eva twirls one springy ringlet around her finger, her expression curious.
“Yes.” I nod. “No.” I shake my head. “Dang it, I don’t know. It’s…different.With Cash, my feelings came on quick, like a flood that changed the landscape of my heart. But with Luc…it’s more like a strong, slow-moving current that’s inexorably pulling me downstream. At least that’s how I felt before that kiss.”
She lifts an eyebrow. “So how do you feelnow?”
I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the cushion, picturing Luc as he stalked toward me. Picturing him catching me up against the side of Smurf. Picturing him framing my face with his big hands so he could show me what he meant when he talked about seduction.
“After he came back to town as this badass Green Beret, I still only saw the boy I knew in high school,” I say slowly. “But recently, I’ve been noticing how broad his shoulders are. How flat his stomach is. How his jeans hug his butt and thighs. He’s grown into this big, warm wall of muscle that speaks to something deep inside me. Something uncivilized.”
“Soc au’ lait.” This time it’s Jean-Pierre who fans his face.
“Your cavewoman is responding to his caveman.” A knowing smile tilts Eva’s lips.
