Chapter Four
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Cash
Live in the moment.
That’s always been my motto since I’ve learned when I’mnotliving in the moment, I’m either worrying about an unknown future, or looking back at all the what-ifs and could-have-beens.
Truth is, though, lately it’s been hard to abide by that particular credo. And coming back here? Makes it damn near impossible.
Draining the last of the whiskey from my flask, I rummage through the cupboards for more. The door on the dilapidated cabinet comes off in my hand. I toss it atop the heap of debris in the corner of the kitchen.
Bought this house as part ofThe Plan. But as I glance around at the crumbling plasterwork, peeling paint, and sagging ceiling beams, I wonder if I’ve made a huge mistake. It’s a shithole, to put it mildly. Not sure Luc and I will be able to get it in shipshape before—
“Aha!” I exclaim, pulling the half-empty bottle of Gentleman Jack from the shelf. I’m happy to say the only things I inherited from my douchebag of a father are my green eyes and a love of Tennessee whiskey.
Tossing back a long swig, I welcome the bite of the liquor. Good ol’ Jack will succor the pain in my head—the damn thing feels like it’s packed with C-4, ready to explode any second—and also the sadness and anger and uncertainty that have coagulated into a hard ball of misery inside my chest.
After refilling my flask, I set the near-empty bottle of Jack on the shelf and turn to see Luc standing in the doorway, arms crossed.
“You could start a business with that look of disapproval,” I tell him. “You’re An Idiot, LLC.”
“Reckon you ought to go back and see the doctors?” Here he goes again. “There’s gotta be something more they can do for you.”
“Nope.” I shake my head, and the room tilts. The whiskey is already working her magic. “They tell me they’ve done all they can for now. It’s just wait and see.”
Stumbling to the living room and over to the queen-size mattress I had delivered this afternoon, I flop down and throw an arm over my eyes. The light from the single bare bulb hanging from a dangling socket isn’t overly bright, but it still hurts like the devil’s own hell to look at it.
Luc’s size twelves clomp across wood floors that will have to be stripped, sanded, restained and resealed. Right now, the list of things I need to do to whip this place into shape is overwhelming.
Buyer’s remorse.
“Fine,” he says, stopping beside the mattress. “Handle it however you see fit. You always do.”
“Thank you, Master Sergeant Dubois. Think I will.” I take my arm away from my eyes so I can snap him a sarcastic salute.
The fact that he outranks me is something I needle him about whenever I can. Although, heshouldoutrank me. While I’m a good soldier—never met a mission or a machine gun I didn’t like—I’ve never had Luc’s way with people. Never had his quiet confidence when it comes to leadership or his ability to see the big picture without letting his emotions cloud the issue.
He nudges the edge of the mattress with the toe of his boot.
“Keep your clodhoppers away from my bed,” I complain. “It’s brand-new.”
“Come on now. Get up. Maggie May is itching to show us her bar, and you said you’d stop by.”
Looking up at him has my mind traveling back to my first day at Braxton Academy. After school, I followed the dark-headed kid I met in the cafeteria to the diner on the corner across the street. When I opened the door, I saw him sitting with a girl.
I remember being surprised. I didn’t peg him as the kind of guy to date girls. More like the kind of guy to get his ass repeatedly kicked. Nevertheless, there was one thing I was certain of, and that was he needed a friend. Since I needed one too, I didn’t waste any time making my way over to his booth.
The moment the girl sitting with him met my eyes, the World. Stopped. Spinning. Bastard that I was, I didn’t care that the cafeteria kid looked at her with a soft, gentle sort of longing. All I cared about was making her mine.
Stillwant to make her mine.
Difference between then and now is that now IknowI’m no good for her. I’m broken. Just like this city after Katrina. And yet…seeing her today made me long for a fix. Reminded me of everything I lost so long ago and everything I don’t dare hope for now.
“You go,” I tell Luc, trying to hide my misery. “I’m already half drunk, and I don’t want her seeing me this way.”
He shakes his head. “You’re a prized ass, you know that?”
