Her heart broke for him. “I can’t imagine losing both of my folks in such a short time. It was awful enough losing one.”
“It was tough. No doubt about it. But I was so busy trying to conquer the world, you know? College, grad school, applying to the CIA. I missed my parents, but I didn’t really miss the sense of security they provided. The sense ofhome. Or at least I didn’t miss it like Avan did.”
“He was still young enough to need them.”
“I guess that’s it. He’s never said as much, but I’m pretty sure that’s why he turned to drugs. He was self-medicating, trying to fill the empty spaces inside him where family and home used to be.”
There was a hole in Chelsea’s heart. It was in the shape of Dagan Zoelner. “I’m so sorry.” They were the only words she knew to give, but they didn’t seem like enough.
Her hand lay on his chest. He brought it to his mouth, kissing the tips of her fingers. His lips were warm and soft, but his beard was wonderfully scratchy. “I guess that’s why I get it,” he said, flattening her hand back over his heart.
“Get what?”
“Get why you’ve been fighting so long and so hard to save the house your parents built. To save yourhome. I didn’t realize how much home meant until I didn’t have one anymore, untilAvandidn’t have one anymore.”
The tears that were suddenly behind Chelsea’s eyes felt sharp enough to cut glass. Would he “get it” once he knew the truth? Would he understand then?
He let out a mighty yawn, stretching so that his big body tightened. Once he relaxed, she felt the hand rubbing against her back slow and then stop altogether. His breaths grew deep and even. A minute later, he was asleep.
It had always amazed her how agents and operators could do that, just drop off at a moment’s notice. She suspected it was a learned habit. If, in the midst of a mission or a battle, you were forced to stay awake for hours ordayseven, it behooved you to learn to go out cold the minute things calmed down.
She usually envied that ability. But not now. The last thing she wanted was to succumb to exhaustion. Instead she would spend what little time she had left listening to his heart beat, feeling his big chest rise and fall, and cherishing every second she was in his arms.
Chapter 43
Vehicle Departure Road, Eurotunnel
Christian had been arguing with Emily since the moment they hopped into Rusty’s truck. He acted highly offended by her constant berating, but the truth was, helikedit. Sick shite that he was, it got his blood pumping. Made him feel alive and excited and…horny.
Emily’s last comment had been a real zinger. He wasn’t sure how to come back from it. Telling her topiss offwas his first instinct, but it sounded so completely inarticulate compared to her most recent offering. So, instead, he satisfied himself with images of bending her over his knee and paddling her sweet ass as punishment.
And damn the bloody woman. She knew she had rattled him. It was well past dark, but the truck was lit up like Christmas by the streetlights on the road where cars waited in the queue to be loaded onto the train, so he had no trouble seeing the delight that sparkled in her dark eyes and the victorious smile plastered on her pretty mouth.
“You’re doing a happy dance on the inside, aren’t you?” Christian made sure to wreathe his face in a fierce frown.
“Color me Rose on the lowest deck of the Titanic.” Emily waggled her eyebrows.
“In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I find you as irritating as a housefly. Be gone. Shoo.”
Since the two of them were crammed into the stiff backseat of Rusty’s pickup truck along with Angel, there was nowhere she could go. Which, of course, Christian was secretly fine with. Having her pressed all along his right side as they waited to have their passports checked was one of his fonder experiences of late.
Well, that and the motorbike ride.
“Holy hobbling Christ on a crutch!” Ace complained from the front passenger seat. “As usual, you two are making my head hurt.”
“Are they always like this?” Rusty asked him.
“Always.” Ace let loose a long-suffering sigh.
“Heteros.” Rusty shook his head.
“Exactly,” Ace agreed.
For Ace’s sake, Christian wished they could spend a little more time in England with Rusty. Ace hadn’t expressed an interest in anyone since coming to work for BKI. And it didn’t take a psychic to see there was a well of sadness inside Ace that needed filling and maybe, just maybe, Rusty Parker was the man for the job.
“Sorry about the headache, mate.” He leaned forward to clap a conciliatory hand on Ace’s shoulder. “But as usual, she started it.”
“And I’ll finish it too,” Emily declared.
