“You don’t have anyone inyourlife,” Jeff said, trying to ignore the truth of his friend’s words.
“You’re right. Because the one person I was supposed to be with died. There’s not a single day that goes by without me thinking about her, wishing things could be different. I lost my chance. What’s your excuse?”
Jeff wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, now you do. So quit being a jerk who would rather take a bullet in the back than admit he might have fallen in love.”
* * *
Ashley couldn’t get Jeff’s words out of her head. She kept telling herself that he was wrong, that she hadn’t betrayed him. She was the injured party. But no matter how many times she told herself that, she couldn’t quite make herself believe it.
She paced the length of the kitchen, ignoring her open accounting books. While she knew she should be studying, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jeff. Thinking and watching the clock. His plane would take off in less than two hours. After that she wouldn’t see him for a week...or maybe not ever again.
“I can’t go through this,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut. “I can’t sit around waiting for him to die. All I wanted was someone to love me back. To want to live for me and love me more than anyone. An unconditional love.”
She opened her eyes and stared unseeingly out the window. Jeff was never going to love her that way.
She wanted to scream her frustration. She wanted to throw something. She knew in her heart she wasn’t as angry about his work as she was about the loss of her dream. She’d thought they would have a chance, but she’d been wrong. Damn the man for not loving her on her timetable and in the way she’d always imagined. Didn’t he know he was messing with her lifelong dream? Ever since her sister had died, she’d ached to feel safe again. But with Jeff running off to throw himself in front of a bullet, she could never feel that way.
She could never—
Ashley froze in the center of the kitchen. She blinked once, then again. She wanted Jeff to love her on her timetable. She wanted him to love her unconditionally.Shewanted.
But what about Jeff? Didn’t he deserve the same wants and desires? Wasn’t he entitled to a love that encompassed all of him, not just the parts she really liked? Who was she to dictate his life? As he’d pointed out the previous night, she’d known what he was when she’d met him. So why was she so angry about it now? Was it possible that she wanted to be loved unconditionally without doing the same in return?
As if showing a movie, her brain flashed pictures of her time with Jeff. From the first moment they’d met, he’d been giving, gentle and kind. He didn’t know how to be a husband or a father, yet he was willing to take on both jobs. The second she’d told him about the baby, he’d wanted to marry her. In the past couple of months, he’d started to change, opening up more, feeling more. Perhaps he didn’t know what was in his heart; perhaps he could never say the words. But she knew. He was a man deeply committed. He was a man in love.
How could she have been so incredibly stupid? Was she really going to let him walk out of her life, possibly get killed, thinking she was mad at him? He was everything she’d ever wanted. Why on earth was she willing to let him go?
She glanced at the clock and panicked. There wasn’t much time.
“Maggie?” she yelled, running toward the family room. “We have to go out right now. I want us to say goodbye to Jeff.”
* * *
Jeff crossed to the waiting area. The jet was due to take off in about ten minutes. His team was in place. They’d finished their last equipment check and were getting ready to board when he heard a high-pitched voice.
“Daddy! We want to say goodbye.”
Stunned, Jeff turned slowly and saw Maggie and Ashley waving from the entrance to the building. The little girl broke away from her mother and ran toward him. She held out her arms and threw herself at him.
“Mommy drove really fast,” Maggie confided before giving him a wet kiss on his cheek. “We didn’t want to miss you.”
He looked at Ashley for confirmation. She shrugged sheepishly. “I wasn’t reckless and I didn’t go over the speed limit—much.”
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She wore jeans and a sweater and she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
“You’re not mad at me anymore?” he asked, not sure what could have changed her mind.
She moved close and joined her daughter in wrapping her arms around him. “I’m sorry, Jeff. I shouldn’t have said all those things.” She looked up at him and grinned. “Just because you’re an idiot doesn’t mean I’m going to stop loving you.”
Her words were like a soothing balm on the open wounds of his heart.
“Besides,” she said. “You have to come back and marry me. Maggie wants you to be her dad. I want you to be my husband and we have that other consideration.”
He knew she was referring to the baby. He put Maggie on the ground and took Ashley’s hands in his. “But this is what I am. I’m not going to change. I’m a soldier, Ashley. Parts of me will never see the light of day.”
“I know. While that doesn’t make me happy, I accept and love all of you. Just don’t you dare die out there. I’ll be so angry, I’ll hunt you down in the afterworld.”
