“I wouldn’t want to leave her behind.”
“I agree.” She hesitated, then ran her free hand through the hair on his chest. “Do you think we did the right thing, not telling her about the baby? I mean, there’s plenty of time. I won’t really be showing until I’m well into my fourth month.”
“The wedding is enough for her right now.”
“Okay. That’s what I thought, too.” She looked at him. “What about your family? Do you want to tell them about us? You’ve never said very much about them. Are you seriously estranged?”
His family? He hadn’t thought about them over the past few years. “No one got angry and stalked out,” he said, “if that’s what you’re asking. My visits made my folks uncomfortable so I stopped going.”
“Why?”
“For the same reason Nicole divorced me. I was different.”
“I bet they’d like to see you now,” she told him. “It’s been a long time and I’m sure they miss you. Maybe you could give them a second chance.”
He shrugged. He didn’t have an opinion one way or the other.
“You’re their son,” she persisted. “You matter. They love you.”
“Do they?” he asked, because he wasn’t sure. “What does that mean? What do you feel when you say you love me? How can you be sure?”
She laughed and rolled onto her back. “I’m sure because it’s written in the stars. Because I hear the sound of the ocean when we’re together, not to mention a choir of angels.”
“No. Seriously. What do you feel? How do you know?”
She sat up, leaned against the headboard and pulled the covers up over her bare breasts. Her humor faded and her eyes darkened. “You’re not joking? You really want to know what I feel when I say I love you?”
He nodded.
“Jeff?” She paused and licked her lips. “Why are you asking me that?”
Her voice sounded very small. He could see her pulse beating in her throat. As she watched him her heart rate increased and her skin paled.
He knew then that he’d made a huge mistake pursuing that line of questioning. He wished he could call back the words and talk about something else.
“You don’t love me,” Ashley breathed. Her hands tightened around the covers she held in front of herself. “Dear God, why didn’t I see it before? You don’t love me. You want to marry me because of the baby.”
“No,” he said quickly, even though it was true. “I care about you and Maggie very much. You’re both important to me. More important than anyone has been in a long time. Maybe ever. I want to keep you both close and take care of you. I want to be there for you, your daughter and our child. I want to learn to be a good husband and father.”
Tears filled her hazel eyes. “But you don’t love us.”
Deep inside of him something began to ache. He knew that if he told her the truth, he risked losing her. But he couldn’t lie.
“I don’t know how. I don’t know what love is. I feel something,” he said, touching his chest. “I want you. I miss you when we’re apart. I want the best for you, Maggie and the baby. Is that love?”
Ashley felt the tears on her cheek. She told herself to say something, to scream, to run, but she was immobilized by disbelief and shock. All her life she’d wanted only one thing—to be loved by someone who would love her more than anything else in the world. Foolishly she’d given her heart to Jeff even knowing that he wasn’t likely to care about her that way. When he’d proposed, she’d allowed herself to believe that he was more than she’d imagined.
She thought she’d finally found everything she’d ever wanted in the world, but she’d been wrong. It was all just an illusion.
“I can’t,” she murmured, not sure what she was saying she couldn’t do. Stay? Marry him? Keep breathing?
Feeling returned to her limbs—a tingling pain as if they’d been asleep for a long time. She forced herself to climb out of bed and reach for her robe. Her body ached and it was difficult for her to walk.
“Ashley, where are you going?”
“To my room. I have to think.” She had to figure out how everything had gone so terribly wrong.
* * *
