He paused to make sure he had their attention. “A British banker had handled some delicate foreign transactions a couple of years back. He noticed that there were some irregularities and traced them to the source. Along the way, he discovered his bank was being used to launder billions in drug money. The men responsible for the deposits were not pleased to be exposed. In an effort to keep the man quiet, they kidnapped his only child. The man’s wife had died in childbirth. He had no other relatives.”
Jeff leaned forward, resting his elbows on the podium. “A half-dozen kidnappers holding one small boy. There was no margin for error. As it turns out, we got lucky. A clean shot from a hundred yards. How many of you would be comfortable in those circumstances? No second chance, no room for errors.”
He didn’t wait for anyone to answer. “In case you’re wondering why you didn’t read about this in the paper, it’s because that’s how we prefer to work. While there is occasional press coverage, it’s the exception rather than the rule. If you’re in this for glamour, fame or a chance to get laid, tell me now.”
This time he did pause. The woman grinned. “Gee, boss, and I was so in it for the sex.”
Her comment made everyone chuckle, easing the tension in the room.
“Kidding aside,” Jeff said when the room was quiet again. “Each of you has to question if you have what it takes. The best operatives are loners. No connections, no ties. It’s harder to be afraid when you have nothing to lose. Good luck.”
With that he turned and walked out of the room. Zane would speak next, but Jeff had heard the speech a couple dozen times. Besides, he was too distracted by his own thoughts to pay attention.
He’d told the recruits the truth. It took having nothing to lose to stop being afraid. He’d lived by that code for years; it gave him his edge. But what if that had all changed? He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Ashley. She haunted him like a sensual ghost determined to win his soul. He couldn’t afford the distraction. He couldn’t afford to get involved.
If he felt pleasure, what would be next? Weakness? Hesitation? Would he worry about her to the point where he would hesitate a split second?
That wasn’t an option. There was only one solution to the problem. He could never be intimate with her again.
* * *
Ashley knew she was grinning like a sheep but she couldn’t help herself. There was something wonderful about the way her thighs hurt from what she’d been doing the previous night. Okay, yes, she knew that she and Jeff could never have a normal relationship. And yes, having an affair with one’s boss, however brief, was never clever. But there was something to be said for a romantic, and slightly sexual, glow.
She felt as if she wasn’t actually touching the ground when she walked. Everything seemed more brightly colored and nothing could upset her good mood. The downside was she’d had a darned difficult time concentrating in class. She’d found herself doodling Jeff’s name instead of paying attention to the lecture.
She had it bad.
Ashley walked to the refrigerator to pull out the chicken she wanted to roast for dinner. As much as she wanted to be with Jeff again, she knew that it could never work between them. There was no future here. She wanted to make a safe haven for herself and her daughter. She had no clue as to what Jeff wanted, but she suspected it was something very different. He wasn’t the kind of man who would love her more than anything. He would never promise to love her unconditionally, the way she would want to love him.
She froze in the act of removing the chicken from the shelf. Not that she was saying she loved Jeff. She didn’t. She liked him a lot and she thought he was hot, which was very different from love. Jeff was not the man for her—he had a past that was too different from her own. They obviously couldn’t make love again, even if he wanted to. She would have to tell him as soon as he got home.
* * *
Jeff couldn’t remember another more cowardly act in his life. However potentially difficult or painful, he’d never taken the easy way out until tonight. Instead of coming home at his usual time and facing Ashley, he’d had Brenda phone to say he had to work late.
It was after eleven when he pulled into the garage and turned off the engine. The situation had been worse than he’d realized. Not only didn’t he want to face her, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her while he’d been at the office. Despite his long hours, he hadn’t gotten anything accomplished.
He climbed out of the car and headed for the house. As he’d driven up, he’d noticed faint light from behind the drapes, so he wasn’t surprised to see that Ashley had left on a few lamps. As he crossed toward the kitchen, he tried to remember if he’d ever not come home in the dark.
He found a piece of paper waiting for him on the kitchen table. “Uncle Jeff” spelled out in very uneven, very large block crayon letters was followed by an arrow pointing to a plate with a slice of chocolate cake. The dessert looked too tidy to have been made by Maggie, but the welcoming note was pure little girl.
His chest tightened. He couldn’t recall anyone ever doing something like this for him. Maggie had actually thought about him while he’d been gone. Had Ashley, as well?
His house was no longer empty and impersonal. He told himself it didn’t matter, but it did. He told himself he shouldn’t like it—but he did.
Swearing under his breath, he ignored the dessert and headed for the stairs. He had to get himself under control. Distractions weren’t allowed. He promised himself the situation would get better with time. It had to.
She was waiting in his bed. Jeff stepped into the room and flipped the switch. Ashley lay curled up on top of the covers, one arm bent and supporting her head. She wore a lace nightgown that covered everything and concealed nothing. He forgot to breathe.
“Hi,” she said, slowly pushing herself into a sitting position. “I wasn’t sure what time you’d be home and I didn’t want to miss you.”
He couldn’t speak. He could barely set down his briefcase. His throat was tight, his groin was on fire. He didn’t care. He wanted to spend the rest of his life looking at her slender curves and remembering what it had been like to make love with her.
“It’s about Easter,” she said. She sounded calm. Shelookedcalm.
He blinked. He couldn’t have heard her correctly. “Easter?”
“You know, that holiday we have in the spring? Maggie’s been talking about it, as you may remember. The thing is, I always hide Easter eggs for her. I would like to know if it’s all right for me to do that in your yard this year.” She wrinkled her nose. “Unless it rains. That would be a drag.”
