Her words warmed Ava’s heart. “It’s good advice,” she murmured.
“It is, and I’m going to pay attention. Shannon’s been telling me the same thing.”
“There you go. The two of us can’t both be wrong.” She paused, thinking about her fight with Milton and how she’d messed up. “You know Shannon and I had lunch together.”
Cindy nodded.
“Is that all right?”
“Of course. She’d an adult. She can have lunch with anyone she wants.”
Ava waited. Cindy sighed.
“All right, I’ll admit it weirded me out at first, but then I realized that you’d be curious about her. So of course it was fine.”
Ava hoped that was true. “I just wanted to get to know her a little.”
“I understand.” Cindy smiled. “And to keep things out in the open, I want to make sure you know that Victoria and I hung out one afternoon.”
Ava hadn’t known that and tried not to show her surprise.
“She didn’t say anything.” Probably because they still weren’t speaking. Ava continued to reach out, but her daughter wasn’t responding.
“I’m glad you’re getting to know each other,” she added, trying not to feel hurt.
“We are, and she’s great.” Cindy’s voice was full of enthusiasm. “So funny and charming.”
Ava relaxed a little. “I see she was on her best behavior, then. Victoria is both those things. She’s also stubborn and difficult and very smart.”
“Not to mention strong,” Cindy said. “Characterwise, although probably physically as well, given her job.”
“Did I mentionstubborn?” Ava asked dryly. “When she was little, she was always getting into things she shouldn’t. If I told her no, then she wanted to do it more.”
Cindy laughed. “Most kids are like that, although Shannon wasn’t one to make trouble.”
“She seemed very sweet and kind,” Ava said. “Although she’s not settled on what to do with her life. She mentioned she’d been working for you for nearly three years, but I got the impression she didn’t want to make a career of it.” She paused. “Am I speaking out of turn?”
“No. I get what you’re saying.” Cindy shook her head. “I don’t know what to do with her. I like having her in the office. She’s hardworking and creative, but I know working for me andLuis isn’t her dream. She wants something else but has no idea what it is. I’m forever trying to suggest things. We’ve talked about her going back to college, or maybe to a trade school, but she doesn’t seem interested. I talked to her about volunteering at different organizations to experience different industries. I just don’t know where she wants to put her energy or if she does. She’s drifting, and I can’t seem to help.”
Ava realized Shannon hadn’t said anything about the cinematography class to her mother, which made things awkward. For a second she thought about mentioning it herself but wasn’t sure she should. She and Cindy were having a lovely conversation, and she didn’t want to spoil that. But if she didn’t say something, then she was keeping two secrets from the woman who used to be like a sister to her.
“Kids are complicated,” she hedged, hoping Cindy would ask what she meant or even press her, but instead she said, “They are. I never know how far to push things or when I should pull back.”
Cindy circled her coffee mug on the table and sighed. “I hover.”
“Excuse me?”
“When it comes to Shannon, I hover. I’m always there—right next to her, doing all the things. I used to check her upcoming assignments to make sure we knew what they were and when they were due, then I checked her homework to make sure it was right.”
Ava told herself not to judge. “Shannon always knew you loved her,” she said diplomatically. “Isn’t that what children need the most? You were always nurturing.”
“Not like you,” Cindy protested. “You go through life, taking care of people. I just...” She pressed her lips together. “In some ways I feel like I shouldn’t say this, but in others it feels like you’re the only person who will understand. I’ve always tried to be there for Shannon because I feel guilty for all the things she didn’t have because of me.”
“I don’t understand,” Ava began, only to realize she knew what Cindy was saying. “You mean the money. Milton and I had the financial resources to take care of Shannon in ways you couldn’t.”
Cindy flushed slightly as she nodded. “Yes. I knew that if I didn’t give her up, life would be a struggle. Not just for me but for my father and for Shannon herself. I didn’t know how to raise a baby, and I didn’t have anyone to ask. Every day was hard. I felt awful for so many things and how it all turned out.”
Ava told herself to stay in her head. That she couldn’t respond viscerally to what Cindy was saying because it would hurt too much. She had to be the disinterested bystander.
