“I remember having to tell my dad,” Cindy said with a sigh. “The way he looked at me—he was so disappointed. We’d both been excited about my future and all the possibilities. Giving up the baby meant I could still have it all.”
She looked at Victoria. “I was so scared to meet your parents. I’d already met another couple, and while they seemed nice, I wasn’t sure. Of course I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking for or feeling. It was hard, and I was young.”
Victoria couldn’t imagine what that had been like. “You didn’t get a list or something? ‘Five Ways to Pick the Perfect Parents for Your Baby’?”
Cindy laughed. “I guess I should have gone online but I didn’t think about it. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. My dad was going through some health issues, and none of my friends could relate. And then I met Ava. She was so kind. I liked that we were closer in age. The other couple was well into their thirties, which to me seemed old. Ava was more like a sister.”
“She’d always known she couldn’t have children,” Victoria said. “So she and my dad would have started looking right away. With other couples, they probably have to try for a while before they figure out there’s a problem.”
“I’m sure that’s true.” Cindy shrugged. “I knew from the first meeting that they were the ones. I was comfortable with them, and I could tell they were so in love with each other. It’s nice that hasn’t changed.”
“Not at all. To this day, they’re nauseatingly in love with each other.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I don’t,” Victoria admitted. “Not really. Having them in love is a real constant. When I was about eleven or twelve, I tried playing them against each other, but it never worked. They’re a unit.”
“That’s nice. You had emotional security in your life. That’s important to a child.”
“I whine about my mom, but the truth is I had a pretty decent childhood,” Victoria admitted. “Since finding out about you and Shannon, I’ve wondered what would have happened if you’d gone through with the adoption. My parents would have had her, so they wouldn’t have been interested in the maid’s baby.”
She was proud of herself for getting out the sentences without her voice cracking, because on the inside, she was all about the pain of wondering.
Cindy stared at her. “I hadn’t thought about that, but you’re right. Your birth mother wouldn’t have gone to them. Do you think she would have given you up to someone else?”
“She wasn’t going to keep me, so I guess.” Or maybe she would have left her at one of those safe haven places, or whatever they were called. “Can’t you leave a newborn at a fire station?” She faked a smile. “If she’d done that, I would have made the news, so that’s fun.”
“I’m sorry this hurts you,” Cindy said. “You know Ava and Milton love you very much.”
“Yes, I know that, too.” She also knew her How I Was Adopted story didn’t have the same feel as Shannon’s would have, if Cindy had given her up.
She thought about mentioning the name thing but figured Cindy already knew. She would have been at the house, seen the mural and the embroidered onesie.
There was an awkward moment of silence. Victoria struggled to think of something to say, then blurted, “So how’s the wedding planning going?”
Instead of smiling, Cindy looked uncomfortable. “I booked the venue.”
“Is there a problem with it?”
“No, but it’s where we all ran into each other. Do you think that’s okay?”
“If it’s what you want. I’m not sure the fact that we all met there matters.”
“That’s what Shannon said, but I wasn’t sure. Still, the walled garden is so pretty, and I’ve always wanted a garden wedding.”
“Then you should have one.”
“What kind of wedding do you want?”
Victoria blinked at the question. “Excuse me?”
“You must have dreamed about your wedding. Every young girl does.”
“That’s not really my thing.” Her wedding? She couldn’t even date someone, let alone get to the boyfriend stage. A wedding? “I’m not the marrying kind.”
“You might surprise yourself one day.”
Victoria doubted that but nodded as if she agreed, then realized that whatever she was looking for wasn’t here. Her pain wasn’t anything Cindy could heal. Victoria was going to have to deal with it on her own.
