“Uh-huh?”
“Thanks. I couldn’t do this without you.”
15
Victoria made her way up the stairs to the large front door. She’d given herself nearly twenty-four hours to forget what Shannon had said about the memory box. Twenty-four hours to tell herself that the past didn’t matter and she was totally fine with whatever Ava and Shannon had discussed. Only the brief passage of time had done little to smooth over the still-ragged hurt that she couldn’t completely define. Her Morning Pages had been a rambling mess about bargain sweaters and plans for a trip anywhere that wasn’t Los Angeles.
But she knew running away wouldn’t solve anything. Worse, with her cast, she couldn’t get very far. And even if she flew to say, London, then what? She would be alone in a hotel room, and that was no one’s idea of fun. She’d tried pull-ups at the bar in the doorway to her closet but had lost so much upper-body strength that she could only do eight, and that was hardly enough to help her clear her mind. Going to the gym was still a hard no, and using an air gun for target practice on her Roomba had resulted in a nonfunctioning vacuum and a broken lamp. Which left her standing in front of her parents’ home.
She rang the bell, then used her key to let herself into the house. “It’s me,” she called, making her way toward the kitchen, where she knew her mother would be starting dinner.
Sure enough Ava stepped out into the hallway, her eyebrows raised.
“Victoria. Did I know you were stopping by? There’s plenty if you want to stay for dinner.” She paused, studying her. “You’re looking so much better. When do you get your walking cast? It must be soon.”
Victoria stared at her mother, looking for some hint of guilt or regret. After all, she’d gone behind her back to have lunch with Shannon. But there wasn’t even a flicker of emotion beyond the friendly smile and offer to stay and have dinner.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” she demanded. “Did you think we wouldn’t talk?”
Her mother sighed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You had lunch with Shannon.”
“I did. A couple of days ago.”
Victoria waited, but that seemed to be all there was. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t tell me. You don’t think that meeting was a little noteworthy?”
“I haven’t seen you or spoken to you since then. I don’t understand why you’re upset.”
“Because she’s the one you always wanted. After all these years, she’s finally in your life.”
She’d meant to speak defiantly, but somehow her voice was shaking a little. Unexpectedly the pain was suddenly bigger than the anger.
“She’s the one you picked. She’s the one who matters.”
“Victoria, please. I don’t know why you’re upset. If you and I had spoken, I would have mentioned the lunch. Yes, it was very nice getting to know Shannon. It has, as you pointed out, been a long time. But I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.”
“She looks like you,” Victoria accused, aware she wasn’t exactly making sense. “When you’re with her, no one’s going to be confused. No one’s going to ask about the connection, andyou won’t always have to say that she’s adopted. Because that was always a thing with us, Mom. You explaining, as if you wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t a part of you.”
Ava flinched. “Victoria, no. It wasn’t like that. Please. We’ve talked about this. Cindy and I connected back then. She’d lost her mother not long before she got pregnant. She was scared and alone, and I could be there for her. We were close in age, and it was easy for us to be friends. That’s what mattered to me. Not how she looked.”
“I want to see the memory box.”
Ava pressed a hand to her chest as she took a step back. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“Shannon already told me about it.” Her voice was flat. “There’s no point in denying it. I want to see the memory box.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re upset, and what’s in the box has nothing to do with you.”
“I think it has everything to do with me.”
She started for the elevator. She half expected her mother to come with her, but of course Ava would take the stairs and beat her there. Victoria breathed through the brief journey to the second floor. Sure enough when the doors opened, her mother was waiting in the hallway. They stared at each other.
“Are you going to make me rip through every box in every closet in this house or are you going to be just a little bit human and show me where it is?” Because she knew it wasn’t with the regular memory boxes. She’d been in that closet a thousand times in her life. She’d helped organize and tidy the various boxes, and never once had she seen the one for the baby she hadn’t known existed.
“It’s in my closet,” her mother said quietly and started down the hall.
Victoria followed her, telling herself she was determined and that the knot in her stomach wasn’t anything like dread.
