Nothing Victoria could relate to, she thought sadly. She loved her mother and knew Ava loved her, but they’d never had that connection she’d seen with some of her friends and their mothers.
“What about you?” Shannon asked. “What were you like as a kid?”
“According to my father, I was a terrible, colicky baby who never slept and wouldn’t settle.” She spoke cheerfully, because her father’s gentle teasing on the subject made her feel loved. “According to my mother, I was an overly energetic toddler who refused to listen or wear clothes.”
Shannon’s eyes widened. “As in you were...”
“Naked. Constantly. I’ve seen the pictures, so it must be true. I can’t tell you how many party photos there are showing a group of well-dressed adults, smiling for the camera, while I go streaking behind them, completely naked.”
Shannon laughed. “That’s fun.”
“I think so, but my mom doesn’t get the joke. From whatI’ve heard, I would convince the other kids to abandon their clothes, and there we’d all be, totally undressed. It made my mother crazy.”
“I’ll bet.” She studied Victoria for a second. “Is it difficult not to look like your parents?”
“No, it just is. I’ve never known anything else.” She thought of all the times she’d overheard her mom sayingOh, Victoria’s adopted, as if abdicating responsibility or connection, but she didn’t mention that. “You’re the one they wanted, you know. You’re the one they pursued.”
Shannon shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true,” Victoria insisted. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. You weren’t even born—it’s not on you. I’m the maid’s baby.”
Shannon’s mouth opened, then closed. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Again, not on you. My biological mom was pregnant and didn’t want her family to know. She went to my folks a few weeks after they’d lost you and offered me instead. I’m like that sweater you buy at the season-end sale. Are the colors perfect? Probably not, but hey, it’s there, it’s cheap, so why not?”
She heard the bitterness in her voice and told herself to back off, but somehow she couldn’t seem to stop talking.
“I never understood what was wrong between me and my mom. And going forward when I sayMomI meanAva. I knew there was something, but until I met you, I couldn’t figure it out. I kept telling myself I was reading too much into the situation, but I wasn’t. You’re the one she wanted, not me, and she couldn’t get over that.”
Shannon visibly flinched. “I’m sorry.”
Victoria sucked in a breath. “No, I am. Obviously I still haven’t figured out how to deal with all this, and I’m taking it out on you. Like I said, you’re the innocent party in all this. You didn’t even know what was happening. I guess I didn’t either.” She looked toward the front door, wishing the food wouldarrive so they could change the subject. But no one rang the doorbell, so she was stuck.
“My dad wanted me from the beginning. He’s great and supportive. To him, I’m perfect.” She let herself sink into the wonder that was Milton’s unconditional love. “I always knew he would be there for me.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Shannon admitted. “I never knew my dad. He basically ran when my mom told him she was pregnant. The only contact that followed was from a lawyer with the paperwork saying he wanted nothing to do with me.”
A different kind of rejection, Victoria thought. “That sucks.”
“I don’t think about him. He’s never been a part of my life. I don’t want to try to find him or anything. My father envy is generic. Looking back I wish my mom had found someone a long time ago. It would have been good to have a stepfather in my life.”
If Cindy hadn’t changed her mind, Shannon would have grown up with Milton as her father—something Victoria didn’t want to think about. Because he would have been as all-in with either of them. Milton believed in giving his heart. Once he committed emotionally, he did all the things.
“Maybe you’ll hear from your biological father someday,” she said.
Shannon shrugged. “I hope not. There’s no point in getting to know him now. Besides, if I met him, I’d probably feel like I have to be mad on my mom’s behalf. For abandoning her and stuff. Sure he was just a kid, but he and his family could have been there for her. It’s not like she got pregnant on her own.”
Shannon’s eyes widened. “Oh no! What about your biological father? You have one, too.” She shook her head. “Okay, we all do, but you know what I mean. Where was he in your mom’s pregnancy?”
It was a question Victoria didn’t think about much. “Like you, I have no idea about him. My biological mother never saidmuch to my parents, and they didn’t ask. She gave birth, handed me to them and disappeared from all our lives. I’m sure they gave her money,” she added. “No one’s ever said anything, but obviously she didn’t keep working for them, and she had to go somewhere.”
She’d often wondered what the payment had been. A condo in another city? Enough cash to buy a house back in her hometown? Her parents certainly had the resources to take care of the young woman.
“You’ve never done one of those DNA test things?” Shannon asked. “The online ones where you can trace your family?”
“I don’t want to know, and I’m not looking for more family. In theory there could be grandparents or cousins who would be happy to know I existed, but showing up would probably screw up my biological mother’s life. If she wanted anyone to find me, she knows how to get in touch with my parents.”
When she’d discovered who her biological mother was and had been lashing out, she’d often imagined a warm, loving older couple showing up and telling her she was part of their family. Which made for a nice forty-five seconds, but she’d never been able to take the fantasy beyond that. She hadn’t been looking to leave her life. For the most part she’d been a happy kid. The only issue she’d had was with her mom, and Ava was too much of a presence to allow anyone to escape.
