She flung herself at him and hung on. “I’m here, and I love you, Aaron. You’re everything to me.”
“Good. I need you, Shannon. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. I swear.” She looked up at him and smiled. “One way or another, we’re getting married.”
“Just not a double wedding?” he teased.
She shuddered. “No double wedding. It’s not gonna happen. You have my word.”
Victoria didn’t go down to dinner that night. Her mother came to check on her, but she said she wasn’t hungry, and for once Ava didn’t push back. The next morning she tried to do her Morning Pages, but there weren’t any words. Just a down-to-the-bone sadness that made it hurt to breathe more than the bruised ribs ever had. She felt defeated in a way she’d never experienced before. Until yesterday, she’d always done whatever she wanted, regardless of what conventional wisdom said. She’d been fearless and strong, ready to take on any challenge. But this morning, with the gray skies matching her mood, she felt... small. No, not small. Frail—almost broken.
She closed her laptop and looked around her room. No way she could stay here, she thought, longing for her own space. It was time for her to go home where she could lick her wounds in peace and try to figure out how to heal.
Even with the crutches slowing her down, she managed to collect everything her mother had brought from her place. There wasn’t all that much, and whatever didn’t fit into the small carry-on bag in the closet could stay behind to be picked up later. But once the roller bag was packed, she was faced with the reality of being unable to manage it and her crutches at the same time. Well, crapola.
Just when she’d accepted that she was going to have to ask for help, her mother knocked once, then opened the door.
“Victoria, you need to eat something,” Ava said as she stepped inside. Her gaze dropped to the closed suitcase. Her mouth straightened, and her brows drew together. “I know you’re upset, but leaving isn’t an option. You’re still on crutches.”
“And getting better every day,” she answered with false cheer. “I’ll be fine. I’ve ordered an Uber. He should be here any minute.”
“You can’t possibly manage on your own.”
“I can. I can order in food for a few days, then I’ll be able to drive myself.”
“How? You have a broken leg.”
“It’s my left one. My right leg works fine. I can drive. I’m not even on pain medication.” She paused, wondering why she was justifying her decision. She was an adult, and she could go back to her own place if she wanted to. “I can’t stay,” she added. “I just can’t.”
Her mother looked at her. “Your father told me what the two of you discussed.” She drew in a breath and squared her shoulders, as if preparing for battle. “I’m sorry I never mentioned there had been another child. At the time it didn’t seem relevant. There was no way you would find out about her, and I always suspected there was the possibility of a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” Victoria glared at her. “Really, Mom? Don’t you think it’s a little bit more than that? You had another baby. You went looking for a child who could pass for your own.”
“No! That isn’t true.”
“You and Cindy look like sisters.”
“That was a coincidence, nothing more. I told you, I wanted a connection with the birth mother, and we clicked the day we met. Her appearance was secondary.”
Maybe, Victoria thought, but she was doubtful. It was too easy to pretend the similarities weren’t important when they simply were.
“Whatever,” she said. “The point is you had the child you wanted. You did all the things. With Shannon, you’d never have to explain why she was different.” She’d spent a long night thinking about what her mom would have gone through as she waited for Cindy to give birth. “You were going to be Shannon’s mother. And then without warning, you were denied the one thing you wanted more than anything else. Your perfect, blonde baby girl was taken from you. One second you were her mom, and the next you weren’t.”
Her mother flinched as if she’d been struck. “It was a difficult time,” she admitted, her voice soft. “But that has nothing to do with you being wanted. You’re my daughter, and I love you.”
“Now,” Victoria said quietly. “Today. But not back then.”
“That’s not true. You don’t get to tell me what I felt when you were a newborn.”
“Then you shouldn’t have lied.” Victoria drew in a breath and tried to stay calm as she explained. “It was too soon, Mom. Only four months after you lost Shannon. You were devastated. I get it, or at least I can try to understand. But that’s not the point. You weren’t ready. That’s why my adoption story never made sense. You weren’t looking for a baby, you were in mourning for the one you were supposed to have. You’re really strong, and you don’t do helpless well. But you were helpless. Cindy was the birth mother. It was entirely up to her, and she betrayed you. I’m sure you were in so much pain, and then the maid showed up pregnant.”
She told herself to just get through it without crying. She wasn’t ready to show that much emotion. “On paper, it seemed like the perfect solution. Sure, let’s take this baby. Only it wasn’t the right time, and I wasn’t the baby you wanted.”
Her mother pressed her fingers to her mouth, as if holding in words or feelings. Victoria wasn’t sure which.
“It wasn’t like that,” she whispered.
“Sure, it was. It was too soon. You weren’t ready. Describeit however you like. I suppose I get why you didn’t tell me, but in some ways, knowing would have helped to explain a lot. Every time you looked at me, I wasn’t her.” She paused to hold in the pain. “I know you love me even when I make you crazy. But how many times a day did you wonder if everything would have been just a little bit better if I was her? How many times did you stand by my crib and wish I was Shannon?”
