That soon? “How far along was she?”
“Nearly seven months.”
Victoria tried not to react. “So I was born what? Four months after Shannon?”
“About that.”
She’d never really been around anyone who died, but in middle school, one of her friends had lost her dad. Victoria remembered it was weeks before Allie smiled again and well over a year until she was anywhere close to who she had been before.
For Ava it would have been worse than a death because the baby she’d loved and waited for and wanted with all her heart had been alive and well—just out of reach. Forever gone. Not dead—death would have almost been a kindness. Death wouldn’t have been a betrayal. But losing Shannon was.
“It was too soon,” she said quietly as she put the pictures back in the box. “For both of you. You hadn’t gone looking for another baby, you were still mourning the one you lost. Then you found out about me.” She blinked away tears. “On the surface, it was the perfect solution, but not in your hearts.”
“Why are you being like this? We love you. Yes, there was another baby, but we didn’t get her, and we did get you. We’re a family.”
“But not the one you hoped and dreamed about. Do you think I don’t get how much I’ve disappointed her? I knew she wanted me to be different, to be more like her, physically, personalitywise. We make each other crazy, Dad. I thought it was just one of those things, but it’s more than that. I can never be the child she lost.”
“That isn’t your job. You’re her daughter, and that’s what matters.”
“You didn’t see her today. You didn’t see her staring at Shannon. She’s everything Mom wanted.” She put the lid on the box. “You can put this back. I’m done.”
Her father hesitated. “I don’t know what to say to you.”
“I don’t know either. I guess I need some time to deal with everything.”
“How can I help?”
“You can’t.” She offered a fake smile. “I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll try to lie down.”
“All right.” He bent down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll check back on you later.”
He took the box and left. When the door closed behind him, she stared at the place where he’d been and wondered how she was supposed to reconcile what she’d learned with what she’d thought was the truth.
She’d always been confused by the fact that someone as organized and detail-oriented as her mother would simply take some random baby as her own. She’d never understood why Avahadn’t done all the traditional things a childless family did. Over the years, she’d been told everything from they were waiting until they were older to they were thinking of fostering children instead of adopting. But none of those explanations had been the truth. Her parents had done all the things, and they’d chosen Shannon.
The truth at last, she thought, limping to her bed and lying down. Only she didn’t have any idea what she was supposed to do with it, or how she was ever going to get over the fact that she wasn’t the one they’d gone looking for. She wasn’t even the backup kid. She was the baby they’d been stuck with.
7
“You okay?” Aaron asked for maybe the fourth time.
They sat together on the sofa, facing each other, his gaze on her face.
“I don’t know,” Shannon admitted. “I don’t know what I feel. It was just so strange and random. It’s like my whole life has just changed, only nothing’s different.”
“Exactly.” His tone was earnest. “You’re who you always were, baby. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He was her rock—always someone she could depend on. Aaron got her and didn’t mind the bad parts.
“It happened so fast,” she said, remembering the chance encounter. “At first I didn’t even understand what that woman was talking about with my mom. Ava. Her name is Ava. But she kept staring at me. I couldn’t figure it out at first, but now it makes sense, I guess.”
“You never knew your mom was thinking about giving you up for adoption?”
Shannon shook her head. “No. We never talked about it.” She gave a strangled laugh. “Why would we? At no point in my life did I think to say ‘Hey, Mom. Ever think of giving me up for adoption?’ It’s not anything I can relate to.” She paused, not sure how to express what she was feeling.
“It’s like I could have been someone else.”
Aaron frowned. “What do you mean? You’re you. That’s not going to change.”
