My deep-rooted thoughts come flooding back in.
I knew I didn't deserve this. I was not good enough for it.
I am cursed, and now I've brought this curse to Callum's family.
I put my hand to my forehead and look at myself in the mirror.
What am I going to do?
I pace the bathroom, unable to stop my tears.
Suddenly, I swear I hear a noise and freeze. I listen over the running water. I shake my head. No, it's nothing, I'm just spiraling.
I rub my forehead. I don't even know how they could have got her, but Cormac has done things before even I thought were impossible.
I don’t even know how they could have got her, but Cormac has done things before even I thought were impossible.
And I know exactly what he’s capable of doing, too.
I imagine her tied to an altar. The knife. The blood. The things he did to me, he'll do to her.
I can’t let that happen.
If there’s no way out for me, I can try and fix it. Maybe I can trade my life for Callum's mother. I can make sure he at least has her.
I deserve this fate. This is what I was meant for. My happiness is knowing he will be happy having his mother alive and unharmed, especially after what the Order did to his father. I do not want any more pain to come to him or his family.
I need to go. I need to go now. But how? How do I leave?
I turn the shower off and throw on the jeans and a shirt I grabbed. My hands shake so badly it takes me too long to even button my pants.
I grab the same notepad and pen I used to draw the map for Callum and write what I can think to say. It’s not what I would want to say, it’s what I think will keep him away and safe.
I can’t question my decision, every second I waste is another moment I risk Cormac killing Callum's mother, and I know he will do it without a second thought.
My hands shake so badly the pen keeps slipping.
I rip the page from the notepad and fold it twice, my tears smudging the ink on the edges.
I set it on the dresser where he will see it.
I grab my shoes and sit on the edge of the bed to put them on. My fingers fumble with the laces.
Breathe. Just breathe.
But I cannot.
The air feels too thick, like I am drowning in it.
I stand and look around the room. This was supposed to be my second chance. My new life. This was the room, the house, where I was supposed to rediscover Zaria again, but now I'm Sister Omega once again.
I was never meant to keep good things. I was meant to be the cost.
I let myself cry one more time, then I wipe my face and prepare myself for what comes next.
30
CALLUM
