"But everything changed. And the things I believed were truths were actually lies. And in your basement..." My voice cracks. "Ithought to myself, why the hell would I do anything to protect the Order? They want me dead probably as much as you do."
His eyebrows tighten slightly. I can't tell if he's surprised or annoyed or just listening.
"I mean, I could tell you didn't even know why Cormac was after you. I was told you knew. Your entire family knew what your grandfather did, celebrated it even."
Callum's jaw flexes as I stop and sigh.
"But it didn't seem like you really did. So if I was going to die down there," I continue, "at least I would speak the truth for once. Maybe find some solace in my final moments. You know, if there is a God, maybe he'd take pity on me trying to be honest in the end."
I take another shaky breath.
"So that's why I told you. For me."
Callum studies me in silence and then shakes his head slightly, either processing or dismissing something I'll never know.
"Tell me about you. Did you grow up in this Order?"
I freeze.
"You want to know about me?" I ask as I wrap my hands around my shawl. "Why? You'll just kill me after all this anyway."
He lifts his chin, his expression doesn't soften.
"I was taught to know the enemy as best you can," he says, and rubs the stubble on his face. "It's the only way to secure a victory. So answer the question."
"You think I'm your enemy?" I ask quietly.
He doesn't respond. He doesn't have to. The silence is enough.
I look down. I get it. Up until about seven or eight months ago, maybe he'd be right.
"Well, let's see." I force a breath. "I was raised by my mother until I was thirteen. Then I went looking for my father."
He frowns slightly. "So you just left her at thirteen?"
"No." The word comes out sharper than I mean it to.
I force a smile, but I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, hot and unwelcome.
"She left me."
My voice cracks.
"She died."
Callum's posture shifts.
The hard lines of his shoulders soften just slightly.
"Oh. Sorry."
The way he says it makes me think he kind of means it.
"Thank you."
I wipe at my eyes quickly, hating that I'm crying in front of him.
Again.
