My eyes snap open, my heart hammering in my chest.
He found me. Cormac found me.
I hold my breath, waiting for the door to burst open, for his voice to fill the room, for him to drag me back to Shadowharbor and finish what he started.
But the door stays closed and the rattling fades.
It's just the wind.
I exhale slowly, my hands trembling.
Another memory claws its way to the surface.
Cormac's office. His hand slapping across my face, the shock of pain bursting in white sparks behind my eyes. The cold fury in his voice when I questioned the ritual.
"How dare you question me?"
"I just…"
"You're a woman, Zaria. You have one purpose in this Order. One."
His fingers dug into my jaw, forcing me to meet his eyes.
"Do what all women do for the Morrígan. Sacrifice your body. Now, go to room eleven and see Brother Ted for your punishment."
I didn't move.
He shoved me toward the door.
"Now."
I press my fists against my eyes, trying to block out the memory.
But it doesn't work, it never works.
I can still feel his hand on my face. Still hear his voice in my head.
"You belong to the Morrígan. You belong to me."
I curl tighter into myself, pulling my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
The floor is hard beneath me and cold, but it feels right.
I'm nothing and I don't deserve anything else but coldness, and no matter how far I run, I'll never be anything else.
My eyes grow heavy as I lie there on the floor in the fetal position, holding myself because there’s no one else alive who would, and I wait for whatever comes next.
For him. For death. For whatever comes first.
Because mercy isn’t something girls like me get twice.
12
CALLUM
It’s just after noon and the sunlight coming through the tall windows feels like an insult. I haven’t slept since I had Tommy drag Zaria to the East Wing early this morning. My body feels like it’s running on adrenaline.
Only a handful of people know she’s here.
