Behind Enemy Lines
The absolute audacity of this Bare Skinned Ignoramus to think he can replace me? LUKE SKYCOCKER? First I am forced into a cage that smells suspiciously like cat and transported to an unknown location, then once I can feel sweet sunshine on my beak again, they tether me back into their bloom covered mobile prison and parade me in front of their kin. So many of these King Men in every size and color. I knew I had to stay calm as I had no hope defeating all of them, but then he went a step too far.
Wingless Wonder presented her with a “petting zoo”. I had never heard of such thing but I can only assume it was so she could choose a new larger companion to protect My Trixie now that she was wedded and expected to lay eggs for him. As if size matters! I am Luke Skycocker, leader of the Rogue Pet Squadron. President of the Neighborhood Pet Council! No one protects My Trixie but me!
I watched in horror as she greeted each creature with the same sweet face and words she used on me but I am pushed to brink of sanity when I see her coddling a gigantic hairy cow they call a Beast. We have no room in the coop for this cow. I feel the dark side rising in my body and flapped my wings, freeing myself from the ropes that bind me!
Attack!
GROOMZILLA VS ROOSTRA
CHRIS
The rain held off just long enough for the reception to get started and our guests to be safely tucked into the new barn, which Ciara Treenut Picklesbottom—or whatever her name was—had decorated with the same flowers from the ceremony, along with white fabric and strings of lights. It really did look beautiful for a place where animals would poop next week.
Trixie and I looked good out on the dance floor while we swayed to “You Belong With Me.” Our song. The one I’d played a thousand times when we were teenagers, listening to the lyrics and thinking about her. Now here we were, finally dancing to it as husband and wife.
Then Trixie danced with her dad while I watched from our table, my heart so full it hurt. When their song ended, Jules appeared at my side and held out her hand.
“Come on, big brother. Mom would’ve wanted you to dance.”
So we did. Jules and I swayed to “I Hope You Dance” while my baby sister pretended she wasn’t crying and I pretended I wasn’t either. It wasn’t a mother-son dance, but it was something just as special.
The food was served, delicious vegan options for Trixie and more protein-heavy options to feed the growing football players. I looked down at the new ring on my finger and over at my wife, who was doing her happy food dance as she ate her mushroom wellington.
I felt foolish for worrying so much about the small details. My dad was right, the only thing that mattered today was that we were together. Everything else would just be a story to tell our kids.
Then the time for speeches came.
Lulu stood up first, looking gorgeous in her maid of honor dress, and tapped her glass until the room quieted down.
“For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Lulu, and I’ve been Trixie’s best friend since kindergarten.” She grinned at Trixie. “That’s almost twenty-five years of friendship, which means I have enough embarrassing stories to keep this speech going all night.”
“Please don’t,” Trixie called out, and the crowd laughed.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep it PG. Mostly.” Lulu winked. “Trixie and I became best friends when she yelled at a girl who stole my yellow crayon. She didn’t even know me yet. She just saw someone being a jerk and decided to do something about it. That’s who Trixie is. She’s fierce and loyal and will absolutely fight someone over a crayon if she thinks it’s the right thing to do.”
More laughter rippled through the room.
“We’ve been through everything together. Middle school drama, high school heartbreak, college disasters, including one very ill-advised lip plumping device that shall not be discussed further.” She shot a look at Trixie, who buried her face in her hands. “But through all of it, the one constant in Trixie’s life, besides me, obviously, was Chris Kingman.”
Lulu turned to look at me.
“I’ve watched these two circle each other for almost two decades. A billion years of ‘we’re just friends’ and ‘it’s not like that’ and ‘he doesn’t see me that way.’ I’m pretty sure everyone in this room knew they were meant to be together before they figured it out themselves.”
“Accurate,” Everett called out.
“So, Chris.” Lulu’s expression turned serious. “You finally got the girl. Don’t screw it up. Because if you ever make her cry anything but happy tears—I will end you. And I say that with love.”
“Noted,” I said, holding up my hands in surrender.
“To Trixie and Chris.” Lulu raised her glass. “May your love story be as epic as the eleventy-hundred years it took to start.”
Everyone drank, and Lulu handed the mic to Hayes.
Hayes was definitely the shyest of all of us. He hated doing press after games and was never one to seek the spotlight. He wasn’t starring in underwear ad campaigns like Everett or swanky car commercials like me, and he wasn’t dating the world’s biggest pop star and being hunted by paparazzi like Declan.
My baby brother was happiest on family nights, going on adventures with Willa, or curled up with a book. So him getting up in front of all these people meant a lot to me.
