“Christopher. Take a breath.” Ciara Moosehouse-Weathervane, or whatever her name was, flipped her golden hair over her shoulder. I had no idea how she could possibly look this calm. The wedding was set to start in less than half an hour, and I felt like I was about to play in three Big Bowls at once. “If it rains, it rains. You have two hundred monogrammed umbrellas on standby and tents strategically placed all over this farm.”
“All the pictures are going to look depressing,” I muttered.
“Cloudy days make better pictures. We can photoshop in blue skies later.” Ciara laid her hand on my arm. “Chris, I promise everything is going to work out just fine. Just relax.”
I felt a sense of peace wash over me at her words. I was glad we’d hired her, and I didn’t feel even a little bit bad about thrusting her upon the rest of my siblings. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just want everything to be perfect.”
Poor, unsuspecting Declan chose that moment to come through the tent opening and was immediately besieged.
“Declan. Wonderful.” Ciara pointed at the couch. “Sit with your brother and help him think soothing thoughts. I have to go check on... anything else.”
She made a hasty exit before he could reply.
“What are you so worked up about?” Declan dropped onto the couch. “This day has been in the works for twenty years. I promise you Trixie isn’t going to leave you at the altar.”
“That’s the problem. This day HAS been in the works for twenty years. I just want it to be everything Trixie wants.”
My biggest little brother fixed me with a look that quietly called me a dumbass. “Chris, the only thing Trixie wants is you. Anything else is a bonus. Besides, you’re Chris Kingman. Everything you touch ends up golden.”
My head snapped up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You are Chris Kingman. You’re practically Captain America. You were a first-round draft pick, a Heisman trophy winner. You have two Big Bowl rings and you’re not even thirty. You’re obnoxiously handsome. And to top it off, you’re about to marry the literal girl next door who is completely in love with you.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to be your little brother?”
I was blindsided. Declan and I had fought a lot when we were younger, but I had no idea he felt like this. “Declan, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“No, man, don’t apologize.” He shook his head. “When we were kids, I would get so mad because everything I wanted to do, you had already done first. You went to school first. You rode a bike first. You played football first. One of the reasons I played defense was because you played offense. I just wanted to stand out.”
“Yeah, that and you’re roughly the size of a barge.”
“Ha ha.” Declan rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “You made it all look so easy. You’re outgoing. You’re funny. You never had any trouble making friends. I get stuck in my head sometimes. All that stuff is just harder for me. I always felt like I was running a race two steps behind.”
“I always thought we were running alongside each other,” I said. “And that’s what made it fun.”
“I felt like I had to work twice as hard just to keep up.” Declan’s expression grew serious, and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “But after Mom...”
He paused, swallowing hard. I felt my own throat tighten.
“After Mom, I kept looking at you to figure out what we were supposed to do. You were my compass, Chris.” He shook his head slowly. “I kept thinking, if Chris can do this, I can do this. If Chris can get through this, I can get through this. I always knew you would do the next right thing.”
I didn’t know what to say. I remembered those days—remembered feeling like I was faking it every single moment, terrified that everyone could see I had no idea what I was doing.
“You helped Dad keep all of us together,” Declan continued. “You were always there—throwing a football around with Everett, teaching Isak to tie his shoes, learning to braid Jules’s hair and then making all of us learn too.”
That surprised a wet laugh out of me. I’d watched approximately forty YouTube tutorials to figure out a basicthree-strand braid. Jules had been so patient with my clumsy attempts.
Declan met my eyes. “You’ve always been my captain, on and off the field. You’re the brother we all want to be.” His voice roughened. “And that’s why I know you and Trixie are going to have a great wedding and a great life together, and a great family someday. I’m just glad I get to be your brother through all of it.”
I hadn’t planned on crying before the ceremony, but I felt my eyes start to water. Declan and I never talked about feelings like this. I didn’t think Declan talked about feelings, period—except with Kelsey. His main forms of communication were grunting and glaring.
A large hand landed on my shoulder. “Your brother is right, you know.”
I turned to find Dad standing behind me with Everett. For a six-and-a-half-foot-tall man, he moved entirely too quietly.
“When your mother died, I felt so lost,” Dad said. “The only thing I knew was that I had to keep going for you kids. That if I fell apart, it was all going to fall apart. Luckily, we had some great people in our lives. Sara Jayne and Mac stepped up and became the aunt and uncle we didn’t know we needed. The Moores played a big part too. Your grandparents. But watching all of my children work together as a team, loving and protecting each other—that’s what really helped me pull through.” He squeezed my shoulder. “And you were the one who led that, Chris. You always set the example, and the others followed. Except for Jules, of course. She’s been leading us all from behind since the day she was born.”
We all laughed at that.
“I remember what it was like before, Dad,” I said. “I remember how you and Mom were together. How much you loved each other. How she would sneak up behind you and hugyou after you lost a game. How you could always make her laugh when she was mad at you.”
