I swallow, thinking of the fact that the queen has her own magic— but I can’t ever share that secret. It’s not mine to tell. “No. I’d never endanger her.”
“I believe you already do endanger her,” he says. “From what I understand, the scravers target magesmiths. It is believed that they came to the palace to attack the king.” He pauses, glancing at me. “But they attacked the Crystal Palace right afteryouused your magic. What if they didn’t come after the king? What if they came after you?”
“They didn’t.” But the words sound hollow, because I’ve worried about the exact same thing. I look at him. “The last time I saw you, you threatened to tell the queen about my abilities. What changed?”
He shrugs, ambivalent. “I still might. But you haven’t caused her any harm, and I’ve decided that if you had anyrealtalent, you’d have used it against me by now.”
I seethe again, because I simply don’t understand how he manages to defend me and insult me within the same sentence.
He glances over. “Like now. If you truly meant me harm, I’d know it.” “I’m going to knock you out of the carriage.”
He flicks the reins. “If you can’t ride, I rather doubt you know how todrive.”
“I’ll take my chances.” I move to shove him.
I don’treallymean it— because he’s right, I have no idea how to drive— but Alek flinches. For a bare flash of time, I see shame flicker across his expression.
Then it’s gone, smoothed out. Like I imagined it.
But I didn’t. I know I didn’t.
“I scared you,” I say softly. It’s almost impossible to believe, because he just faced me with asword, and he wasn’t intimidated at all. He even offered his hand to help me into the carriage. He doesn’t quite seem intimidated, but there’s still the ghost of an emotion hanging between us. “Didn’t I?”
He clears his throat. “No.” But he gives the tiniest little shudder, like a horse shaking off a fly.
I stare at him.
Eventually, he sighs and glances over again. “Magic killed my mother, Callyn. Magic killed my sister.” His eyes return to the road. “I’m not afraid of you, but I . . .”
His voice trails off, his expression troubled.
I keep forgetting about his own losses. His manner is always so apathetic, as if death and treason were irksome and commonplace, not true tragedies.
But I realize right now I’m seeing the truth behind his mask.
Alek feels betrayed. Deeply, agonizingly betrayed.
The worst part is that I really can’t blame him. I would’ve felt the same. Ididfeel the same, back when Tycho healed Jax. Magic has caused so much harm. It killed my mother, and even though the king was protecting his family, his magic killed my father, too.
I look back at the road. We’re traveling at a good clip now, the horse trotting more swiftly than if it had the full weight of a carriage behind it. The city is behind us, the dark shadows of the woods ahead. “What’s the real reason you didn’t tell the queen about me?”
“I intended to, believe me. But it’s become clear to me that the queen needs you here.”
“She needsme?”
Alek nods. “If there are still people working against her, she shouldn’t trust anyone.” He glances over. “She needs someone who cares for her . . . not for her crown.”
I inhale, intending to protest, because Queen Lia Mara is close with many in the palace. So many people demand her attention: advisers, courtiers, citizens.
But as I consider that, my protests feel hollow— and possibly untrue. Maybe there are plenty of people who imagine themselves to be closetoher, but I’ve never seen the queen fall on them. In fact, the few times I’ve seen the queen be vulnerable have only been in front of me and Nora. When she cried over her husband, she didn’t cry on her sister’s shoulder . . . she cried on mine.
My heart gives a tug. She’s so incredibly sad. My mouth pulls into a frown.
“Exactly,” says Alek, reading my expression.
“Do you still suspect Verin?”
“Possibly,” he says. “But I can’t accuse the queen’s sister without risking treason, and I’m not willing to do that.” He pauses, and the shadows of the forest fall over us as we ride into the trees. “Yet.”
