“Maybe it’s an acquired taste,” he says.
“Definitely.”
He says nothing, but he sits back in his chair and takes a sip of his overly sweet tea, and we both stare at the window for a while. Snow has begun to drift down from the sky, but it’s only flurries now. Bits of frost have collected along the edge of the windowpanes.
“When the weather is like this,” Noah says, “it makes me think of Iisak.”
He says this almost offhandedly, but Iisak’s name always dredges a bit of sorrow from my chest. Iisak was a scraver from the ice forests of Iishellasa who initially helped Grey find his own magic. Iisak was my friend, too, but he died during the battles between Syhl Shallow and Emberfall. The scraver could be viciously callous when he had to be,but he was deeply kind and loyal, with strong opinions on the duties of a ruler.
Iisak loved the snow. Even in the dead heat of summer, his magic could pull frost from the air. I take another deep swallow of my too-sweet tea. “It makes me think of him, too.”
Noah studies me for a long moment. His voice drops. “How are you doingreally?”
I glance at him. “I’m well, Noah. Truly.”
“You were with Rhen for a long time.”
“He doesn’t treat me poorly.”
“I wouldn’t expect him to.” Noah hesitates. “But Rhen has suffered a lot—”
“So has Grey,” I say.
“So haveyou.”
I almost flinch. Noah knows me too well. Better than anyone, probably. When I was younger, I used to seek his company in the infirmary whenever the rest of the world felt too overwhelming—which was often. At first, it was because the space was quiet and secure, and Noah is one of the few people in my life who has never demanded anything from me. But as time went on, I discovered that Noah was a safe confidant: never harsh or critical, just a good listener. I know he was a healer in Washington, DC, a doctor in something called an emergency room. He once said that he used to see people on the worst day of their life, and it was his job to help get them through it.
I’m certain he was very good at it.
“Rhen is an expert at keeping people at arm’s length,” Noah says. “And so are you.” He pauses. “Lia Mara hoped you might have found … ah,companionshipat Ironrose, but I’m worried you found the opposite: a little too much isolation.”
“I don’t mind being on my own.”
“I know,” he says. “And I know Grey relies on you quite a bit.” His voice quiets further. “What happened to Rhen and Grey was terrible, but they were young men, and they made some terrible choices. You were fifteen—and you had no part in their conflict. You didn’t deserve what was done to you.” He pauses. “I know about the soldiers when you were young, too, what they did to your family.” Another pause, and this one is more weighted. “What they did toyou. You didn’t deserve that either.”
This time I do flinch. “Stop.” I hesitate. “Please.”
“You spent so many years with the army, and I don’t care what you said to Grey, I know you didn’t want—”
“I was a good soldier, Noah. I’d do it again if he asked me to.”
“Would you?”
The question hits me like a knife. It’s a little too piercing, a little too precise.
“Yes,” I say firmly. “I would.”
He reaches out a hand as if to touch mine, but I draw mine away before he makes contact.
Noah watches this and goes still, then rests his hand on the edge of the table. “You were very tense when Lia Mara was asking about courtship. I’m worried that everything you’ve been through—”
I stand, wishing for armor and weapons and an end to this conversation. “I should join Grey and Jake.”
“Wait. Please.” His voice is very gentle. “I didn’t mean to chase you off.”
“You didn’t.” But maybe he did. I respect Noah, though, so I pause before moving away from the table.
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being on your own,” he says. “I don’t want you to walk out of here questioning that.”
