“I know,” I whisper, hugging her back.
But I really have no idea whether it will or not.
CHAPTER 34
TYCHO
When I’m wary and uncertain, I often seek out the infirmary. It’s usually where I find Noah. Grey may have taught me how to defend myself—how tosavemyself—but when I was younger and terrified of what fate might have in store, Noah always gave me a safe space to heal. He’s always steadfast and unflinching, no matter what he sees—or what I tell him.
Today, of course, he has patients, so I have to wait. I don’t mind, though. The infirmary is warm and tranquil, and Salam has trailed me down here to sprawl in the late afternoon sunlight that beams down through the windows. After traveling all day yesterday and sitting sentry all night, I slept most of today away, and I’m still not quite awake. I send for tea and entertain myself by teasing the cat with a piece of straw, smiling when he leaps to bat at my knuckles with barely sheathed claws.
Eventually, though, I’m alone with Noah, and he begins unpacking a crate full of supplies.
“I heard about Jax,” he says without preamble. “I figured you’d find your way down here eventually.”
“Hmm,” I say noncommittally. Jake must have told him about what he discovered in the workshop. “I haven’t told Grey about all that yet.”
“ ‘All that’?” he echoes.
I glance at him. “The sketches and seals.”
“Oh.” Noah is quiet for a moment. “Why not?”
“Last night wasn’t—it wasn’t the right time.” I shrug, then run a hand over the back of my neck, remembering the weight in the room when Grey admitted what had happened, confessing his fears. “Well. You know.”
Noah nods solemnly. “I know.”
“And then this morning,” I continue, “Grey gave me leave and said he was due to meet with Lia Mara’s advisers. That didn’t feel like the right time either.” At daybreak, he was cool and distant, as stoic and reserved as I’ve ever seen him.
Or maybe I was just looking for a reason to postpone a conversation about how I might have been sharing breath with a man conspiring against the Crown.
Noah says nothing, but he glances over. He pulls a large fold of muslin from the box and uses a knife to tear it into more manageably sized strips. And he waits.
I don’t know what to say. I know I’m supposed to be thinking about my duties here, about my responsibility to both Syhl Shallow and Emberfall. I carry a lot of secrets and truths, and what I learned last night is one of the deepest, darkest secrets I’ve ever been given. I have no idea how Grey and Lia Mara will reveal this loss to the people. Word of the queen’s pregnancy has already begun spreading among the citizens of Syhl Shallow. Jake and I even caught wind of it in a few of the taverns on Emberfall’s side of the border. Could the Truthbringers have been involved in whatever happened to little Sinna? There have never been threats against the princess. The queen’s children, especially daughters, are always held in high regard in Syhl Shallow, and that’s been consistent the whole time I’ve been here.
And why would Jax have seals bearing the Truthbringer sigil? What are he and Callyn involved in? Does Alek have anything to do with it? Years ago, his sister was a traitor to the Crown, but Alek has always staunchly denied any involvement. He might hate me, and he might hate Emberfall, but that doesn’t mean he’s plotting against his queen.
The worst part about all this deliberation is that thoughts of Jax keep pushing everything else aside. I’m imagining the silken feel of his hair between my fingers. Or his hands, a little rough and a little uncertain. Or his eyes, cool and focused when he drew back the string on my bow.
I’m remembering the tearstains on his cheeks after his father nearly killed him. I’m thinking of his hand holding mine as he showed me how to feed steel to the forge. I’m thinking of him brandishing a red-hot iron in front of Lord Alek.
I’m thinking of the taste of his mouth.
“Tycho.”
I blink and look up. “What?”
Noah keeps tearing muslin. “When I saidI heard about Jax,” he says gently, “I wasn’t talking about plots against the king and queen.”
I make an aggrieved sound and flop back on the cot where I’m sitting.
Noah laughs. “You’re not the first kid to fall for someone acting a little shady.”
My insides clench. I keep my eyes on the ceiling. “I let myself get distracted. I should have stayed focused on my duties, Noah.”
“I don’t think that’s how life works. Like you can just stayfocusedand nothing will ever go astray.” He pauses. “People will surprise you, Tycho. For bad, for good, in so many ways you’ll never expect.”
I turn that around in my head for a bit. “I don’t know,” I finally say. “Grey is never distracted. Jake isn’t. Lia Mara. Nolla Verin.You.”
