If they wished to continue working for me, they would heed my warning and stay out of my way.
I undressed for the night and grabbed my sleeping robe. I could no longer sleep in pants, my belly too big, so a robe was all I slept in now. The sheets were cool as I lay back and grabbed the leather book.
The first page was handwritten, and a quick sweep through the rest proved that the book was a journal of a sort. That only made me even more curious. I returned to the front page and found my father’s name in the upper right corner, and a date.
Was this my father’s journal? A pang of loss hit me. My omega father had travelled overseas and never returned. We still had no idea what fate my father had suffered, but I knew now, as an expectant father, that he would’ve returned home to me if he could have. I was now more certain than ever that he’d died.
I was eighteen when my father left, and on top of losing my grandfather the year before, it had only meant more heartache for young me. I’d missed my father a lot over the years, wishing I had someone to help guide me to be the best king I could be. Maybe this journal would provide me with some much-needed guidance.
I turned the page and found neatly written passages as I got ready to know my father better.
October 22nd
Father had me practice my magic once again. I dreaded every second of it, but he insisted that I learn. I am to be king soon. That’s all he ever keeps repeating. The magic is important for the safety of all omegas, yet each time I fail him. “Keep picturing your anger over the alphas and what they’re capable of!” was what he kept saying, but how can I be angry at alphas I’ve never even met? “The safety and life of all omegas and future generations depend on you!” he yelled at me. “If you fail, it will be the demise of our kingdom.”
Another passage was written in what appeared to be either anger or haste.
November 1st
Father has ordered me to spend my next heat with a breeder. It’s time for me to produce an heir, he keeps telling me. The safety of all omegas lies within our bloodline. I am only twenty-five! How am I supposed to care for a baby? Never mind the fact that Father is choosing my breeder. How embarrassing is that?! The man who will breed me will be the one my father picks to lie with his son. I cannotbelieve this is my life, and how little say I have in these matters.
I only beg the gods that my breeder will be agreeable. Not like the brutes who helped me during my previous heats, but someone I at least connect with a little.
I closed the book, suddenly feeling nauseous. I had no idea that this was what my father had gone through with my grandfather. I knew he’d struggled with his magic, and that once my grandfather had died, he’d somehow managed to make it work anyway. I had no idea if how I used my magic was even correct, but considering that the alphas were kept under control under my rule, I gathered I must be doing something right. Perhaps I instinctively knew how to do it correctly.
I put the journal away for now, knowing that if I continued, I wouldn’t get any sleep, and I really needed my sleep now that I was pregnant.
A wistfulness spread through my body as I closed my eyes. There was my alpha, smiling widely at me as he held his hand out, ready for us to share another dream together in a place where no one could ever tear us apart. A place where our love was not wrong but as right as I felt it in my heart. “Gus,” I whispered before I drifted off to sleep. “My Gus.”
Chapter 20
Gus
The grass was covered in a fine layer of frost in the mornings now, and winter was just around the corner. There was a bite in the air throughout the day, a promise that snow would soon bury the landscape under a white carpet. I used to love winter, but now the change in weather was just a cruel reminder that another season without Seb was waiting for me.
I couldn’t believe it had been two months now since they’d taken me away from Seb, from my heart. I had no idea how I would’ve made it if it weren’t for Hal. Like a loyal companion to a dying man, Hal was by my side at all hours of the day, and he was there when I woke in the middle of the night, too, tossing in my bed, calling out for Seb. Hal was my guardian angel, and some days I thought I only breathed because he told me to.
‘Breathe, Gus. Just one breath at a time. Then one hour, then a day.’He stroked my arms in soothing movements as his brown gaze locked onto mine.‘I have a good feeling about this. Like a… what’s it called?’
‘A premonition?’I croaked. Seb had told me what the word meant once when a chill had swept through his chambers as we lay tangled together in his bed. He had shivered in my arms, and when I’d asked him what was wrong, he’d said he’d had an odd premonition. As always, I’d had no clue what my clever little omega was talking about, but Seb had been patient with me, explaining the meaning in words I understood.
‘Maybe,’Hal squinted at me.‘I just have a feeling that everything will be all right in the end. Not just for you and your king, but perhaps for all of us.’
Gods, Hal was such an old, wise soul at times. When people looked at him, they just saw a big, strong alpha who could throw a massive hay bale through the air or plow a field with the strength of an ox, but there was so much more to Hal. I prayed every day that he was right. That everything would be all right in the end, but with every passing day, my hope dwindled just a little more.
“Look what I found!” Hal beamed at me, holding up an oil lamp in front of me. It was market day, and usually one of my favorite days of the year. I would sell my figurines, and then I’d track down every honey vendor and spend every last coin on precious honey.
Forcing a smile on my face, I nodded in appreciation. “It’s beautiful. Expensive?”
“Nah,” Hal shook his head, smiling broadly. “I traded it for one of my pieces.” He beamed with pride. Hal painted in his pastime. Stunning landscape paintings. I wasn’t surprised that he’d traded one for this precious oil lamp.
“Which one?” I asked.
“The black sun one.”
I nodded. I loved that one. I’d been with Hal that day a couple of years ago. We’d just finished the day’s work and were resting in the field when the sky transformed above our heads.Thousands upon thousands of starlings had gathered in a large black cloud covering the sun.‘Look at them,’Hal had pointed toward the sky.‘So beautiful, so free.’Free. Before Seb, I’d thought I was free, but now I knew it was an illusion. I was like a caged beast, prowling from side to side, purely surviving on instinct alone.
“Wanna go look for a honey vendor?”
