But she had always told me every detail, boring or not, in the past. And, judging by the way some of her allies and advisors looked at me, I suspected there were other conversations happening.
Maybe it was mere paranoia, but it seemed like Nova knew something I didn’t about the corruption of my magic—like there was something she wasn’t telling me.
Something theyallweren’t telling me.
And I hadn’t missed the glimmer of fear that occasionally flashed in her eyes when she glanced my way, particularly when she thought I wasn’t looking. The same fear I’d seen the night we’d fought those Order members, when my magic had clearly unbalanced her.
Of course, I couldn’t blame her for that fear.
Not when I could barely trust myself anymore.
Last night, for the first time since we’d reunited, I’d slept in my own room, alone. Although very littlesleepinghad occurred; I’d tossed and turned for most of the night, trying to keep the unsteady surges of my magic at bay, all while replaying Severin’s haunting words over and over in my mind.
You can’t protect her.
You aren’tmeantto protect her.
The worst of my unstable tremors had subsided by the time I woke up, but I still avoided Nova for most of the day. It was simpler. Safer. At least until I could understand what was happening with me.
I wandered outside of the palace for most of the morning and afternoon, only making my way back as the sickly orb that passed for a sun in this world began its descent toward the horizon. Even then, I didn’t go anywhere near Nova’s chambers, or the office where she spent many evenings holding meetings.
Instead, I made my way to the training grounds; the familiar rhythm of combat drills was soothing. Zayn joined me after a while. We sparred without really speaking, our blades clashing in the fading light. He could clearly sense something was wrong, but for maybe the first time in his life, he managed to stay silent.
Because what was there to say?
It felt like we were living in the shadow of a slowly-approaching catastrophe, like acknowledging it out loud would only bring it crashing down more quickly upon us.
After Zayn left, I returned my sword to the adjacent armory, lingering there instead of heading back into the palace proper. Severin’s words snaked through my mind, yet again, as I moved restlessly through the room, running my fingers over the other weapons on display.
I’d been there for several minutes, moving in aimless circles, when my magic suddenly stirred with awareness.
I turned to find Nova standing in the doorway, her figure backlit by the setting sun.
She wore a sapphire dress with delicate silver embroidery along the neckline and sleeves. Simple and elegant, but she was still marked by the symbols of her noble position as well—by a brooch featuring a silver tree with red blossoms, and a small silver circlet resting in her dark hair.
I wondered whatboring political thingsshe’d been getting up to today, but I didn’t ask. I could tell she was tired enough without my pressing.
“You managed to escape your council earlier than usual, I see.”
“I had to.” She stepped farther into the room, the soft rustle of her dress the only sound in the armory’s stillness.
I placed the sword I’d been examining back on its rack.
She closed the distance between us slowly. There was the tiniest hint of fear, of uncertainty in her expression, even as she met my gaze. “I had to get away from all of them, and I just…” She shrugged. “I missed you.”
The words settled uneasily over me. I’d been avoiding her to make things easier for her. Safer. But now it felt as if I’d let her down.
Damned if I did, damned if I didn’t.
She picked up a dagger from the table, turning it over in her hands. A minute passed. Then another. She gripped the weapon tightly and said, “Something has shifted between us, hasn’t it?”
The obvious answer wasyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. To say anything.
“I’ve had a lot to think about and deal with over the past days,” she continued at my silence. “And I keep coming back to what happened during that last battle.”
I tensed.
She took a deep breath, setting the dagger down carefully. “That man who led the Order’s attack outside of Finch’s house…he knew your name. He said he’d be looking forward to your next meeting.” She lifted her gaze to mine. Like she wanted an explanation.
