But I found myself fumbling for a reply.
Orin waited patiently.
I forced myself to look him in the eyes as I quietly said, “We…we don’t talk about his past much. Because he doesn’t remember most of it.”
There were tortures he’d endured, I knew. Things that had left scars both mental and physical. Things that the so-called Keepers of Light had done to him that he never really managed to tell me about. I’d always assumed the silence was trauma leaving emptiness in its tracks, as it so often did. I rarely pried. It was his story to tell when he was ready to tell it—that’s what I’d always believed. But what if…
What if the emptiness wasn’t just from trauma? What if they’d deliberately erased parts of him? The parts that didn’t serve their plans for him?
Orin was watching me with something like pity in his ancient eyes.
I got to my feet, the chair scraping harshly against the floor. “You’re wrong. His magic strengthens mine. Compliments it. It doesn’tvoidit.”
“Maybe not yet.”
“Not ever.”
He studied me for a long moment, his weathered face unreadable. “He’s certainly…an enigma. I’ll give you that. One who’s managed to fight his programming in many instances. And I don’t think the Order counted on you being as powerful as you are, either, or the two of you developing the bond that you have. But things are shifting back toward their ultimate goal, now. And Aleksander’s true purpose and power?—”
“You’rewrong,” I repeated. “You have to be wrong about all of this.”
He continued as though I hadn’t spoken. “As Lorien and his life are restored, I fear Aleks might change even more. If both Vaelora are fully awakened to their power, the true purpose he’s been molded for is likely to awaken as well. His own power will become even more unpredictable—a void that hungers for what it was designed to destroy.”
“Then I won’t restore Lorien. I’ll stop that quest this very instant.”
“I think we both know it’s too late for that. The Order is already on the move. They may have lost track of Aleks while he was trapped in the depths of Noctaris, but now he’s in their sights again. So they’ll be wanting him back.”
I started to argue, but the heaviness in my chest and lungs made it impossible to force words out.
“You must have realized, too, that without Lorien whole, you can’t fully restore Noctaris. Calista was short-sighted in her decision to fragment him; as long as he’s scattered, the balance of magic and the survival of the Below remains in jeopardy. You can’t shift the flow of magic entirely on your own. He has to play his part.”
Thunder rumbled closer this time, shaking the windows.
“So I have to choose between saving the world or losing Aleks.” My voice came out hollow. “And if Aleks truly does awaken into this monster you’re describing, I might not be able to save either. That’s what you’re telling me?”
Orin gave me another sympathetic look, but it only made me angrier.
“How do you know all of this, anyway?” My tone was bitter. Furious and bitter and determined to find some flaw in his logic that would unravel this nightmare. “You said yourself that history changes depending on who tells it. How do I know you’re not just another manipulator? Another person using me for their own ends?”
He didn’t flinch at the accusation. “I know all of this because I’ve spent a very long time studying the Order and their methods. Intimately, in some cases.”
“Intimately…” It took the meaning behind his words a moment to sink in—because I didn’twantit to sink in. Didn’twant to acknowledge yet another lie of omission. Another betrayal.
He sighed. “The problem with living a very long time is that you see all the sides occasionally blurring into one another. Lines get crossed. Allies become enemies and enemies become…complicated. “
“You’ve been working as a double agent, in other words.”
He met my eyes steadily. “I had to infiltrate their ranks to follow their movements. To understand what they were planning.”
I backed away, shaking my head. “The Light Keepers, the Void Order, the network of allies who’ve supposedly been protecting me…” I tried and failed once more to truly catch my breath. My voice cracked as I said, “How am I supposed to know who’s really on which side?”
He didn’t answer.
“Orin. Whose side are you truly on?”
“Yours.” He held my gaze without wavering. “It’s made a lot of people very angry but…I’m certain I was always meant to be on yours, in the end.”
A pause hung between us, heavy with a thousand unspoken things.
