He closed his eyes. A heavy moment passed. Then he said, “He’s gone.”
Not a question—a pained acknowledgment.
“He’s still alive,” I whispered. “But he’s…”
“Taken?”
I bowed my head, hiding my face until I managed to blink the tears away. “We thought we had Lorien contained within Luminor, after driving him out of you. But the blade shattered. Shards of it nearly impaled me, and if Aleks hadn’t stepped between us…”
Zayn exhaled a long, shaky breath. “Thatdoessound like something that idiot would do.”
I almost laughed despite the bitter weight in my chest—mostly out of relief, because the words were so typical of something I would have expected from the Zayn I’d gotten to know. The one I still wanted to believe Iknew. Maybe some of our conversations, some of our interactions, had somehow been genuine and untainted by Lorien’s hold.
But how to tell the difference?
How could we possibly know what of our relationship was real and worth keeping?
As if he could tell my thoughts had crashed in, circling around Lorien, Zayn suddenly asked, “He was here, wasn’t he?”
An explanation struck me. “Did you sense him? Is that why you woke up?”
He angled his face toward the window. “I felt…something. An itch beneath my skin. An ache in my bones, like from something broken long ago. And…yes. I think that’s why I woke up.”
“Your connection to him could be the key to getting Aleks back—and to countless other things.” I tried to sound calm. Regal. A queen interrogating a witness for answers, rather than a confused little girl trying to make sense of her trauma. “I need you to tell me everything you know about Lorien’s true nature.”
He averted his eyes again, a sudden darkness falling over his face.
“Zayn.Please.”
He shook his head. “Trying to slip back into his mind…it’s like sinking willingly back down into the water after only just managing not to drown in it.”
“I know it can’t be easy.Noneof this is easy. But I?—”
“You should leave.” It sounded like a plea. One so tired and so heartbreakingly desperate I couldn’t make myself argue with it.
Slowly, I stood up. The room seemed to expand, the door sliding away from me.EverythingI needed to reach felt so damn far away from me. I didn’t want to leave, yet I was afraid if I pushed Zayn too hard, I might lose him entirely—again.
I would send more nurses to tend to him, now that he was awake. His strength would return, and then we would be able to talk more. I had to believe that.
Iwouldbelieve that.
I was halfway to the door when I heard: “I’m sorry.”
I stopped short of askingfor what?
There were so many things webothcould have been sorry for. None of them were truly his fault. Maybe I should have told him that, but I couldn’t seem to speak.
The apology hovered shakily between us.
I nearly kept walking away—until I finally managed to clear my throat, and a question slipped out. “Can I ask you something?”
No reply.
“About Aleks, not Lorien.”
He turned his face toward me.
The image of Aleksander’s eyes meeting mine in that brief, desperate moment in my office spurred me onward. I closed thespace between Zayn and me before I even realized what I was doing.
