The knife clatters to the floor.
I shove him down and grab the blade. The mask slips from his face as he looks up at me.
Two eyes lock onto mine.
I know those eyes.
“Judas?” I whisper.
He looks at me, his jaw clenched, as I fall forward and land on top of him, the knife still clutched in my hand.
“Judas,” I say again, like I need to hear it out loud, like saying his name will stop me from driving the blade into the man beneath me.
He moves fast. He lifts me, slams me down onto the floor, and the knife skids from my fingers. My breath knocks out of my chest. He stares at me, eyes locked on mine, his knee sliding between my legs, forcing them apart.
“Am I dreaming?” I whisper.
He doesn’t answer.
He leans down and presses his mouth to mine.
My eyes fall shut on instinct because this is what he always does to me. He is like a drug. He is the thing I fixate on, the thing I crave the most. Every feeling crashes back at once because for two fucking years, I have been missing him. Missing him too much.
His tongue tangles with mine. I can’t breathe. He steals the air from my lungs. My palm presses to his chest, pushing his shirt up and off, my lips brushing his skin as I whisper, “Don’t you dare stop.”
He nods and starts pulling the shirt over his head. While the fabric still traps his arms, I trace my hand down his muscles, my fingers moving slowly, searching for proof that he’s real.
He finally yanks the shirt free. His black hair falls into his forehead as his eyes lock onto mine.
“I-I… M-m-missed you,” he says.
I swallow hard.
Everything rushes back at once.
I push myself up, crawl away from him, then shove him down instead. I climb over him, leaning close, my hands braced on either side of his head.
“You can speak,” I say softly.
He lifts his hands.
Learned it for you. Just like you learned ASL for me,he signs.
A breathless laugh slips out of me.
You psycho,I sign back.
He grabs my ass and drags me further down on top of him. I hiss as his palm brushes over the wordCHAOScarved into my skin.
I reach for the knife on the floor and lift it towards him.
“You get to fuck your little sister only if you let me carveRUINinto your heart,“ I say as I lower myself onto his face, laughing. “Because I swear to God, Judas, I will ruin you,” I whisper.
He swallows.
I drag the blade over the left side of his chest. The first cut forms the curve of anR.I draw theU, then a clean line for theI,and finally cross it into anN.The wordRUINbleeds across his skin, just over his heart.
He doesn’t look away. His eyes stay locked on mine.
