He brushes past me, frustrated, and walks fast toward his bike. My jaw clenches. My stomach twists into a thousand knots.
I did the right thing.
Right?
I want to scream. I want to punch him in the face. But I also want to hug him and tell him we can still be friends. The thoughts collide, and none of them feels true enough to hold onto.
He turned eighteen last month. If that makes him an adult, maybe he will break that promise.
Adults never keep their promises.
Fuck.
I turn around and walk toward him anyway.
He waits on the bike, helmet already on, visor down, like he can’t even look at me. I step closer and take the helmet from his hands.
“We are good, right?” I ask.
He nods.
We are good,I tell myself.
I pull his jacket tighter around me, climb on behind him, and wrap my arms around his waist. The moment he feels me settle, he starts the engine, twists the throttle, and speeds up.
This time, he doesn’t care how the speed makes me feel. My heart races, pounding so hard I am sure he can feel it against his back. But he doesn’t slow down. The arrow on the clock climbs past a hundred, the road blurring beneath us like nothing exists behind us anymore.
I let it happen.
And not long after, our street, Del Mar, appears in sight.
He stops in the driveway, right in front of the house. As I get down, I pull off my helmet and look at him.
“Judas?” I ask.
He doesn’t wait a second. The engine starts again, and he speeds off.
“Judas!” I shout.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath. “Fuck.”
I pull my phone from my pocket and type a message.
Drive safe, asshole.
I know he won’t answer. Not now. But I want him to know that even after what happened, I am still here. That after the ride, after the speed, there is still someone to come to.
Maybe for him, speed is all he needs to clear his head. For me, it’s the familiar fear of watching someone leave and wondering if I was ever more than something to use before they ran.
I never wanted any of this. Now I’m terrified of losing it.
SEVEN
JUDAS
It’s around eight at night when I drive to Nico’s place to get drunk, because there is no chance I can come home sober after a kiss like that. She woke something in me I never thought existed. And when she pushed me away, it only proved it was real. I know she feels it, too. You can’t fake something like that.
I know this is impossible between us. I know Dad would never allow it to happen under his roof. And yet I still let it happen. I just can’t help myself around her.
