That sour, rotten stench that soaked into my nightmares. The smell that made me wet the bed at night. The walking nightmare that made me hate coming home from school. They all saw the signs, but no one ever cared. No one ever stepped in.
Footsteps stopped in front of me.
He saw me.
I curled in on myself, my hands flying over my head. I pressed my face into my thighs, my knees pulled tight to my forehead. Even when I could no longer hear him, I felt every blow. Each strike landed on my back, my arms, my hands. My body shook until I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and the scream ripped out of my throat.
It takes so little to break someone.
It takes so much more to heal.
My mom, the only parent I had, did nothing. She stayed downstairs, listening to my screams.
I didn’t understand how someone could choose beatings over their own child. But as the pain deepened, as each blow burned worse than the last, I realized she didn’t choose the beatings. She chose peace. She chose silence. Because she knew that if she tried to help me, he would hurt her more.
My stepdad was a monster.
To the world, he was a respected cop and a family man. Behind closed doors, he was nothing but a drunk who thought power lived in his fists, in his belt, and in the fear he carved into his wife and stepdaughter.
A tear slips down my cheek and soaks into Judas’s hoodie as I open my eyes, memories fading.
I cling to him, fingers curling into his chest, holding on like he can keep me from drowning in my own past. Like he can quiet the thoughts scarred inside my skull.
The bike slows as we enterDel Mar.The neighborhood blurs past us, and the iron gates flash by. As we turn toward the garage, a police car pulls out of the driveway. Judas drives further inside and parks in front of the garage.
The garage door is open.
And in front, dressed in a black suit with arms crossed over his chest, was none other than Judge Harrington.
In his angry eyes, I can see we were both in trouble.
1. Fucking bitch.
2. Piece of shit.
FIVE
JUDAS
My heart slams against my ribs like it wants out. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never drive recklessly.Never.And tonight, realizing I might have put Carmen in danger just because I dragged her to a party full of strangers makes my stomach twist with anger at myself.
I never ride without a helmet.Never.I could hardly see anything while I drove, and my eyes were still burning from the wind. I put us both in danger. I lost control tonight.
Did she do this to me? Is she going to be my ruin?
Dad stands there, disappointment carved into his face. But it is not just that. Anger is beneath it. I promised him I would always be safe.
Tonight, I proved I am not.
I never wanted him to see this side of me. I hid it so well before. But with her, I can’t hide anything.
I shut off the bike and pull the key free as my boots hit the ground. Carmen is still shaking, her fingers clenched around the seat. I help her down. She stays behind me while I step toward him.
I am sorry,I sign towards him.
“What were you thinking?” he shouts, his hands cutting sharply through the air as he signs back.
I wasn’t. I am sorry.I sign.
