I'm too tired for this. I'm too tired, too under-caffeinated, and too aware that I'm standing in my kitchen braless in front of a man who looks like he stepped out of a very specific fantasy I had at three a.m.
"Okay," I say. "Hit me."
He glances at his notes. "Rule three. No overnight guests."
"Right."
"Does 'overnight' have a specific time threshold?"
I blink. "What?"
"If someone is here past midnight but leaves by, say, two a.m., does that count as overnight? Or is there a cutoff?"
My brain stalls out. "I… I don't know. I guess if they're not sleeping over, it's not technically overnight?"
"Okay. So the rule is about sleeping arrangements, not time of day."
"Sure. Yes. That."
He makes a note. Actual note. With his pen. "And is this exclusively about romantic guests, or does it include friends crashing on the couch?"
Heat crawls up my neck. "Romantic. I meant romantic."
His eyes meet mine. "So, no one in my bed who isn't me."
I nearly drop my coffee mug.
"Got it," he says, perfectly calm, and moves on like he didn't just detonate a bomb in my brain.
I take a long, desperate gulp of coffee and pray for strength.
"Rule five," he continues. "Quiet hours. Midnight to ten a.m."
"Yes."
"Did I wake you this morning?" He looks up, something like regret flickering across his face. "I tried to be quiet in the shower, but if I need to adjust my routine—"
"No!" I interrupt, too loud. "No, you were fine. You were quiet. I just… I couldn't sleep. Not because of you. Because of… other reasons."
"Other reasons," he repeats, and there's that tone again, like he knows exactly what those reasons are.
I clutch my mug tighter. "What's your next question?"
He studies me for a second longer, then drops his gaze back to his notes. "Rule six. Thirty minutes for dishes."
"Yep."
"What if I'm cooking something that needs multiple pots? Does the timer start when I'm done eating, or when I first dirty the dish?"
I stare at him. "Are you serious right now?"
"I meal-prep on Sundays," he says, completely deadpan. "Sometimes I've got three or four things going at once. I don't want to be in violation because I didn't clarify the parameters."
"In violation," I echo.
"Of the rules."
"You sound like you're filing a report."
