He studies me—his eyes narrowing briefly—and shakes his head.
“I don’t leave for a few hours. Do you need anything?” I ask him.
“Nah. I just finished up,” he says. “I’m taking a long lunch before I head back out.”
I shower and warm myself by my fireplace, sending Cody a quick text before I leave to meet my friends. The rain lets up and the sky turns a forgetful blue as if the day had been sunny all along—as if the rainstorm was merely a dream, something private I shared with Cody alone. My friends and I walk from shop to shop, chatting and catching up, picking out flowers and favors and sampling cake flavors at the bakery before we pile into our cars and drive over to Daisy’s for dinner.
It’s good to be with them. I’m here, attuned to every word, laughing at the shared jokes, but a part of me is still on that hilltop, spread on a blanket with Cody holding me close. I wish I could tell them, at least let them know, but another part of me cherishes the secret we’re sharing. It’s difficult having to carve out places and times to see one another. If everyone knew, we’d be able to do so much more. But a small part of me doesn’t mind, because we’re forced to make space, and that space is ours alone.
“You’re awfully quiet tonight,” McKenna nudges me.
We’re splayed out on Daisy’s sectional sofa, all six of us flopped in different directions, the plates from our dessertstrewn on the coffee table. Our friends are all in one-on-one conversations, the soft murmur of our talk and laughter fills the room. For the time being, McKenna and I are in our own little bubble.
“It’s been an adjustment,” I say, smiling over at my best friend. “Working. Juggling the needs of the farm …”seeing your brother.
“I bet. I still don’t completely get it—why you needed to get an actual job. But I fully support you.”
“I can’t explain it, but being off the farm, doing something important for the town, it feels like I’m claiming a part of myself just for me.”
“That? I understand,” she smiles, softly nudging my knee with hers. “That’s what my social media career has been for me. I guess we all need something that’s ours alone—especially growing up on a ranch.”
I nod.
“Did y’all know Carli did our inspection yesterday?” Sydney announces to the group. “She was like a boss coming in there with her iPad poised.” She strikes a pose and winks at me.
“Are you going to have to inspect the barn before the wedding?” McKenna asks. “Just to make sure we’re up to code?”
“If there’s an inspection to be done there, I’ll make sure I’m the one. The last thing you need is Randall making a laundry list of repairs for you to finish before the big day. I’d just flag anything really serious.”
Our laughter overlaps and then McKenna brings up the wedding. “Cody and Luke made the arch this week. It’s gorgeous.”
She pulls up photos on her phone. The arch is gorgeous, but not as gorgeous as the man supporting it so she can take the picture. My eyes rove over him and my heart squeezes.
Everyone passes the phone around.
“They should go into the woodworking business as a side hustle,” Cass says.
“In their spare time,” McKenna says with a laugh.
“Who’s going to The Barn Dance?” Daisy asks.
“We all are,” McKenna insists, pointing at each one of us in turn. “We don’t get enough time together. I need to see you all there.”
We all agree we’re going to the annual dance.
Cody will be there. But we won’t be dancing together—not this time.
Chapter 18
Cody
I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.
~ J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
I wakewith a smile on my face. Not just a shy grin, either. I’m in my bed and my face is stretched wide with happiness. Yesterday with Carli felt natural, and yet it exceeded every day I’ve lived up until now. How did I live down the road from her all these years and not act on my feelings?
I dress and walk over to the family house, stopping at a pasture to check a few mother-calf pairs along the way.
