“That’s right, Benny,” I tell him, making my way down the steps with my eyes aimed toward the row of ATVs and UTVs. I’m smiling so wide McKenna would be instantly suspicious if she could see my face.
We ride out to the pasture. I take them to an enclosure where we have a mom with a two-and-a-half-week-old calf. I hold Benny up so he can pet the calf on his nose. He squeals with laughter when the calf licks his hand.
We spend about fifteen or twenty minutes out here and then I load the kids back onto the ATV and we drive back to the house.
McKenna is now surrounded by her friend group—Carli included. I guess she invited all of them. We make brief eye contact, and then I lead Benjamin and Anabella into the house. They see other kids they know and run over to them.
The house is filled with noise and laughter. People aregathered in small clusters, lounging on the sectionals in the living room and standing around the kitchen.
I’m standing by the fireplace, taking it all in when Vanessa sidles up to me, placing her hand on my arm. I rearrange my stance so her hand falls to her side. She’s notorious for wanting a firefighter husband—she’d settle for any of us. With Patrick and Dustin now in committed relationships, her sights are narrowing on me, Greyson and a few guys on the alternating crew.
“Excuse me,” I tell her. “I think my mom wanted me in the kitchen. I’ll be back.”
In the kitchen, I try to find something to do so I don’t have to go back into the main room.
“Can I help with anything?” I ask Mom.
“Normally I’d say no,” she says. “But we’re about to lay out all the food. Can you set this over on the table and make sure the silverware in napkins are closer to the stacks of plates?”
I take a platter of grilled meat from Mom and set it on the table.
She walks into the living room and announces the meal.
People fill plates, and we eat. All the while, Carli and my sister are side-by-side—inseparable as they’ve always been through the years. We seek one another out, our eyes catching regularly. And we exchange private smiles. But, otherwise, nothing is any different than it has been at every family gathering we’ve ever hosted since as far back as I can remember. She belongs here—just not the way I want her to—not yet.
After dinner, Mom brings the cake into the living room and everyone singsHappy Birthday.
“Make a wish!” Ethan shouts.
I close my eyes and wish, not sure whether these things really matter, but just in case, I wish for her. I want my arm around her next year—her carrying the cake out and staringinto my eyes over the candles, smiling at me because she’s mine and everyone in the room knows it.
When I open my eyes, she’s in the crowd, staring at me and smiling. I hold her gaze as long as I’m able without giving us away. Then Mom swoops the cake out of the room and I follow her, helping to scoop ice cream onto the slices before McKenna and her friends grab the dessert plates and hand them out.
“If I didn’t know better,” Mom says to me. “I’d say you’re avoiding the single women who came here to celebrate you.”
“You would, would you?” I ask, handing Emberleigh two dessert plates to carry into the living room. “Well, it’s a good thing you know better.”
“Cody Lawson,” Mom scolds. “I want some grandbabies.”
“You really should stop tiptoeing around things, Mom. Subtlety is overrated.”
She laughs. “I’m not trying to pressure you.” She lowers her voice. “But what’s wrong with Vanessa or Lacey?”
Carli walks into the kitchen, prepared to carry two plates out right as Mom says that last line. I look at her, guilt probably etched all over my face, even though I haven’t done a thing wrong.
She smiles a forced smile.
“Thanks, Carli,” Mom says, oblivious to what’s right in front of her.
Our hands brush when I hand her the plates and I want to shout to the rafters that Carli’s the only woman I want. My family loves her. They’ll get over the fact that I started dating McKenna’s best friend. They have to. And Jace will too—eventually. At least, I hope he will.
We needed our time to figure ourselves out. But we’ve done that. As soon as the wedding is over, we’ll give it a minute for everything to settle and then we’re going to tell everyone.
“I’m not interested in Lacey or Vanessa, Mom. It’s just that simple. They’re fine. They just aren’t who I want.”
Mom smiles. “Well, it’s your birthday, so I’ll let you be.”
“Thank you,” I say. “Don’t worry. You’ll have grandkids eventually.”
