“Yeah, but that’s no excuse, because so were you.The truth is, I avoided you because the alternative hurt too much after losing Peyton.I’m not proud of that.”
It felt like one of the boulders they’d climbed had just lodged itself in his throat.He swallowed hard to clear the sudden constriction.“I get it.”Fuck, he really didn’t want to talk about this with her.It stirred up too many things.
Too many ghosts.Things he wanted to stay buried.
“Anyway, you’re doing better now?”
He could feel her studying him behind the sunglasses.Wondered if Rafe had told her about his time in treatment.“I am, yeah.”Mostly.Better than he had been, anyway.Which maybe wasn’t saying a whole lot considering what a total fucking mess he’d been for most of that first year after coming home from Syria.“You?”
“Yes.I’ll always miss him, but it’s easier now.Bearable, at least most days.I guess it’s true that only time can take care of that.”
God, he hoped so.“How are your parents?”
“Okay.Mom’s still...struggling.”
He nodded, guilt coiling inside him.An invisible python ready to suffocate him if he didn’t fight it off.“Sorry to hear that.”
Willow shrugged.“It’s not your fault.”
Wasn’t it?
“She’s stuck,” she continued, “and no one can do anything more to help her.It’s up to her now, she has to decide to move forward herself.”
He heard the frustration in her voice.Winced inside.“Hard for a mother to move forward after losing her child.”
“I know.I try to be understanding, but it’s just so toxic.That’s one of the reasons I moved out here.To get some distance from it.Maybe that’s selfish too,” she said with a wry smile.
“No.You deserve to be happy.”
Her smile softened.“Thanks.So do you, by the way.”
Acutely uncomfortable, he looked away and pretended to scan the edge of the bank, locking down the torrent of guilt and the rush of memories before the floodgates could open and suck him down into the depths he’d clawed his way out of last year.
“Looks like the edge crumbled here pretty recently,” he said, stepping close to a spot just past where Rafe and Bronwyn were searching below.
Breathe.Breathe.You did what you had to.If you had to go back and do it all over again, you would do the same thing.
Maybe, but it still cut him to the bone.And it was a thousand times harder to confront the truth with Willow standing just ten feet away.“If there was a grave here, it’s possible the contents fell onto the rocks or into the water.”
She came closer, made a sound of agreement as Rufus sniffed at something interesting in a thick tuft of grass rippling in the breeze.“There are still some little mounds and depressions up here.I’m not sure if they’re graves.Maybe Bronwyn should have a look later, she might be able to tell us.”She pulled out her phone and took some pictures of the area as Rufus walked up and nudged her leg with his nose, looking up at her.
“He sure is attached to you.”
She smiled down at the dog and scratched the top of his head.“I’m pretty attached to him too.He’s been through so much, and he’s a real sweetheart inside.Are you my pal, handsome boy?Yes, you are.”
Rufus wagged his tail gently, ears cocked and his gaze full of adoration.
Tripp understood completely.
“Let’s take a look down that way,” Willow said, gesturing in the opposite direction.
He stayed beside her, pushing the darker thoughts away and forcing himself to focus on the here and now.He’d never expected Willow to come back into his life.Every moment he got with her was a gift.He would cherish this time even if it meant doing something that made him uncomfortable.
Like now.
They searched the area for another ten minutes without spotting anything of interest.“Should we head back down?”she asked.
He nodded and walked back to the spot where they’d climbed up the rocks.“I’ll go first.”He started down, stopped below her when she began her descent, watching her closely to make sure she didn’t slip.Partway down she let Rufus’s leash go, and he scrambled down easily the rest of the way to the beach.
