“Why didn’t you ask me then?”
“I didn’t want you to think I’m jealous. I’m not. I’m confused. She’s stunning and she seems nice, too—and you have a child together. So, why not at leasttryto make it work with her? Did you? If so, what happened?”
Roman strokes my hair and looks deeply into my eyes. “No, I never tried to make it work with her. Vanessa is a good person. Mostly. At her core.” He chuckles. “But she’s very money driven. I mean, so am I, so I guess I can’t fault her for that. But ...” He pauses to think. “I guess the easiest way to explain it is: She’s not you. I didn’t know it then, but I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, Iris. Waiting to feel like I feel when I’m with you. Somehow, my heart has always known you were out there somewhere. I just needed to be patient and wait for you to show up.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. That was an incredibly romantic speech, but I can’t help thinking it’s not the full truth. And full honesty is what I’m after here so I can release any and all anxiety about this topic and hurtle myself, headlong, into my new life with Roman. Why didn’t he ask Vanessa to move in with him, like he’s asked me, as soon as he found out she was carrying his child? Or, hell, maybe he did, and it didn’t work out?
Roman laughs at whatever skepticism he’s seeing on my face. “You think I’m full of shit?”
“No, I ... I appreciate the sentiment. That was a romantic thing to say. But I’m not looking for platitudes. I really want to understand why you didn’t at least try to make it work with the mother of your child. She’s gorgeous, Roman. I’m sorry to keep probing here, but if I don’t ask you about this now, and get an answer that makes sense to me, I think I’ll lose my nerve and always wonder.”
Roman inhales a long, deep breath while running a hand down his face. “Okay, first off, ‘losing your nerve’ to ask me aboutanything isn’t an option anymore, okay? Anything that’s on your mind, ask me. Don’t wonder. Don’t guess. I’m not Brandon, okay? I’m not a manipulative, gaslighting, insecure bastard who’s gonna try to make you feel small and worthless just so I can feel big and important.”
Whoa.He’s taken my breath away. Until Roman spelled it out for me, I didn’t fully understand my downward spiral throughout my long relationship with Brandon. With each passing year, he trained me to make myself smaller and smaller to avoid making waves. To keep him happy, even at the expense of my own joy. Holy crap. How did I let things go as far as they did, when Brandon’s toxicity is so clear to me now?
“I love you, Iris,” Roman whispers, sliding his palm onto my cheek. “Your feelings matter to me. Your questions deserve answers. This is your home, every bit as much as it’s mine. That means you never have to walk on eggshells, pick your spots, or pretend. Talk to me. No matter what. And I’ll always do the same, okay?”
“Okay,” I squeak out.
“That’s how my parents do it. And that’s how my cousin Marco does it with his new wife, Nicola. They’re all really happy—and it’s not for show. It’s real. They’re partners. They’re a team. They’re friends. That’s what I want for myself in a relationship, too. Or I don’t want one at all.”
My breathing hitches. “That’s what I want, too. Or I don’t want it at all.”
Roman flashes a snarky grin. “Yeah, I know. You made that clear enough in Hawaii. Trust me, I was deeply impressed when you turned me down.” He pauses to think. “Actually, I think I just answered your question. Vanessa was never going to be my teammate, and I knew it. She was never going to fully have my back. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with looking out for number one. I get that we’re all doing that to some degree in life. But Ican’t be with someone, romantically, who genuinely doesn’t care about my happiness as much as they care about their own. I can’t be with someone who looks into my eyes and sees dollar signs rather than my soul. You’ve always made me feel like you seeme, Iris. The real me. When I’m with you—wherever we are, whatever we’re doing—I feel like I can be myself, and you’ll accept me. Like me. Want me for me.” He strokes my arm and smiles. “Not to mention, sex with you is like a ... what was it? ‘A door to another dimension’?”
I crack up. “A secret portal into another dimension—a new world where I found a better version of myself.”
“That’s right.” He laughs and kisses the top of my head. “Without even realizing it, maybe, I’ve been waiting to walk through that secret portal with the right person my whole life. And now I know you’re that person. You’re a needle in a haystack, Iris, and what we have is real and rare. I know that now, and I promise I’m not going to forget that.”
My heart is beating so hard in my throat, I feel like I’m gagging on it. “I feel the same way,” I whisper. It’s all my brain will supply.
“I only had sex with Vanessa twice. I feel like I should mention that. She said she was on the pill, so I didn’t wrap it up. And now, here we are. Was she telling me the truth about being on the pill? Who knows? To this day, she swears she was, but I’m not entirely sure. I wouldn’t have it any other way, of course; I can’t imagine my life without Mav. But you see what I mean? The fact that I don’t fully trust her to this day speaks volumes about why it didn’t work out for us. Right off the bat, I trusted you and told you stuff I probably shouldn’t have. I didn’t even make you sign an NDA, like I did with Vanessa and everyone else. But with you, there was this instant feeling of trust. This instant feeling like I could relax in your presence in a whole new way. And that feeling has grown exponentially since then.”
I poke his rib. “Yeah, you trusted me so much, you secretly sent a photo of my driver’s license to Cameron for a background check.”
Roman chuckles. “That was simple due diligence. Trust me, if I didn’t trust you, I would have asked you to sign an NDA. And I certainly wouldn’t have told you about my move to LA before I was cleared to do that.” He runs his fingertip down my arm. “Does that clear up your questions about Vanessa? If not, keep asking questions till you’re satisfied, baby. We’ve got all night.”
“No, I’m satisfied. Thank you.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Thank you.”
He looks pleased. “I’ll always have love in my heart for Vanessa for giving me Maverick. That’s why I’ll always make sure she’s well cared for, financially—because she’s the mother of my child, and I don’t want Maverick ever worrying about his mother. But I don’t want Vanessa or anyone else who isn’t you, Iris. I only want you. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I pull him to me for a soft kiss and whisper, “Thank you for being so open with me.”
“Always.” He puts his forehead to mine. “Fair warning: My life is about to get really hectic, so we won’t have time for you to be thinking shit you’re not saying to me, okay? And vice versa. If this is going to work, we have to make a pact now. Honesty. Always.”
I nod. “Honesty. Always.”
Roman grins. “Good girl. From here on out, you won’t ever need to wonder how I feel, Iris. You’ll know.” He nuzzles his nose to mine. “It’s you and me, baby. Full steam ahead.”
Chapter 33
Roman
Five Weeks Later
