“Where’d you get that?” he blurts. “Iris, wait. Stop.Give me that.”
The groom attempts to grab the phone out of Iris’s hand, but she whirls around and holds the device to her chest like a running back protecting the rock. In a flash, two men dressed in suits—an older gentleman and a young, fit dude—flank Iris and warn the groom to keep his distance.
“That’s not mine!” the groom shouts to the crowd, pointing at Iris. “Whatever she’s about to say—”
“It’s Brandon’s secret burner phone!” Iris shouts above him, holding up the device. “I found it last night in Brandon’s toiletry bag, and—”
The person behind the camera recording, or maybe someone sitting very close to them, asks, “Is this a joke?,” so I can’t hear whatever Iris says next. Nor can I hear the groom, who’s throwing up his arms and saying something to the two men in suits. A moment later, however, I’m able to hear Iris again, at which point she’s saying, “... a text to a woman identified in his contacts as ‘Allison with the Big You-Know-Whats.’”
A collective gasp rises up in the church, and the groom lunges at Iris again, this time shouting, “I swear, that’s not my phone!”
The two men in suits physically restrain the groom while two feisty bridesmaids leap into action and stand in front of Iris, creating a human barrier between bride and groom.
“You know it’s yours, Brandon!” Iris shouts. “Besides all the photos in all your dating profiles, I recognize all the photos of your privates you sent to countless women!”
A collective gasp. Chaos surrounds the person taking the video. A young man from the audience races up to help the two guys in suits. It’s sheer pandemonium.
“That’s enough!” the pastor booms. “Whatever’s happening here, it’s going to stop right now.”
The young, fit man in a suit who first leaped into action with the older one yells, “Not till Iris says her piece! Go on, Iris! We’ve got him.”
Visibly trembling, Iris faces the crowd, her beautiful face ablaze. “Brandon wrote to ‘Allison with the Big You-Know-Whats,’ and this is a quote: ‘I’m so horny for you, baby, I practically bleep in my pants whenever I think about bleeping you!’”
The church erupts like Iris set off an atomic bomb—so much so, our trusty cameraperson loses control of their phone for a moment, causing the scene to bobble and whirl.
“And to ‘Katarina fromdaStrip Club,’” Iris screams in the background of the whirling, bobbling video. “And yes, he wrote ‘da’ in place of ‘the.’ He wrote—” The scene stabilizes again. “‘I got out of my meeting earlier than expected, baby, so get ready to gag on my bleep!’”
“Enough!” the pastor shouts. “Let go of Brandon and stop this right now!”
Whoever’s recording zooms in on Iris’s face at this precise point, just in time to capture an expression of such unadulterated, homicidal fury, my skin breaks out in goosebumps at the sight of her. Holy shit. She’s practically engulfed in flames up there. It’s heartbreaking to see. I genuinely feel terrible for her. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit she’s also hot as hell. Add Iris Benedetto looking like a murderous maniac to my list of kinks.
There’s a flurry of chaotic shouting in the church, and in the midst of that, Iris defiantly holds up the phone to the crowd, like she’s showing them a photo or video. I can’t make out her screen, unfortunately, but whatever’s on it makes a woman in the front row scream like she’s been stabbed in the heart.
“How dare you bring that filth into the House of Lord!” the officiant shouts. “John, get your disgrace of a daughter out of here.”
Iris is the disgrace—not her cheating, lying, dick-pic-sending fiancé? That’s rich.
I’ve no sooner had the thought when one of the feisty bridesmaids shouts exactly what I’m thinking, in so many words, while the older man in a suit—Iris’s father, obviously—shouts, “The only disgrace is what Brandon did to my beautiful, kindhearted daughter!”
Iris shoots a look of gratitude at her father before shouting to the crowd, “If you’re one of Brandon’s clients, check your bank records! There are weird bank notifications on this phone, too!”
“She’s mentally unstable!” the groom shouts, pointing frantically at Iris. “She’s having a mental breakdown, just like her mother did!”
Oh, shit. Iris’s father loses it. With the other two guys still holding onto the groom, he stomps over to him and punches the bastard in the face, at which point pure mayhem ensues. I shouldn’t do it, since I’m genuinely heartbroken for Iris, but I can’t help laughing at the chaotic scene unfolding before me. No wonder this shit is going viral. It’s impossible to look away.
“Screenshots of everything have been posted to my Instagram!” a bridesmaid shouts, as she and another two bridesmaids lead a sobbing Iris toward a side door. “Check it out before it gets deleted!”
With her bridesmaids flanking her, Iris shouts, “Anyone who supports me, come to the reception to celebrate menotbecoming Mrs. Brandon Gladstone today!”
“I never wanted to marry you!” the groom screams back. His cheek is bright red from the punch he took. His eyes are wild. “My parents made me propose to you, but who wouldwantto marry a frigid bitch like you?”
Iris was just about to walk through that side door when the groom dropped his final bomb. But now, without warning, she whirls around and sprints at full speed toward the groom, screaming with furious rage and flailing both arms. Luckily for the groom, one of the groomsmen intercepts Iris’s rampage. He picks her up, kicking and screaming, literally, and physically drags her toward the side door again.
“Don’t you dare get on that flight tomorrow!” Iris shouts to the groom. “I’mgoing on our honeymoon by myself to try to heal from all the lies you’ve told me!” She grips the doorframe, halting the groomsman’s exit long enough to scream at the top of her lungs, “And when I get to Hawaii, guess what this ‘frigid bitch’ is gonna do, Brandon? She’s going to get herself ‘railed’ and her insides ‘scrambled’ by some random hot stranger—someone who actually knows what he’s doing in bed, unlike you, so I can finally—”
Iris doesn’t get to finish her sentence before the groomsman wrangling her successfully loosens her grip on the doorframe and yanks her out the side door.
For several seconds, chaos reigns in the chapel. Until, finally, the screen goes black and the video ends.
