Right then, I realized Katy might have faced her own share of struggles, but she was willing to walk into the future without fear. Was I brave enough to walk with her?
#14
Katy
Itook a long, hot shower, trying to scrub the evening away. For all my bravado at the inn, my body repelled Ben’s touch. Although he seemed harmless and nerdy, by now, I knew I must trust my body and align with it for my own safety.
Fresh out of the shower, I hunted for Barun’s shirt and pulled it on. I didn’t want to wear my nightgown. After an evening like the one I had, I wanted safety and warmth. Fall out with Barun or not, my body felt safe with Barun. His ferocious desire and intensity weren’t repugnant. If anything, it turned me on more.
Lying down on the bed in exhaustion, I drifted off, too tired even to think about anything. I felt something wake me up from the deep throes of sleep and stirred awake. A sound alerted me first before I saw a shadow move outside the window. Immediately, terror gripped my throat.
Sitting up on the bed, I tried to move out of the room quietly. My mind went back in time, experiencing the same feelings of helplessness, panic, and horror. I felt a prickling sensation in my arm, where my kidnapper had injected something to drug me. My therapist had assured me it was phantom pain whenever I experienced it after the incident.
Her words and soft instructions cooed in my ears.
Breathe, Katy. Inhale and exhale. You’re no longer in danger. You’re safe. Ground yourself by touching something solid.
Desperately reaching out for my book, I extended my hand and pushed the book from the nightstand. The loud thud of the book made me jump, finally evicting the loud and piercing scream that had been stuck in my throat.
Within thirty seconds, Barun was by my side. After switching on the night lamp, he saw me shivering in bed, dread in my eyes. Pulling me into his arms, he held me tight, just as he’d held me after pulling me out of the cupboard. I inhaled the familiar scent of his woodsy cologne and felt his warm muscles, bringing me back to the present.
“I… I felt someone outside, something moved on the sill, outside the window,” I whispered shakily, trembling.
“I’m here, baby. I’ll die before I let something happen to you.”
Hearing him say those words made me clutch him harder. “No, don’t say that. Don’t talk about dying. Please,” I pleaded, tears gathering in my eyes.
“No, sweetheart. No one’s dying, okay? Can you stay put for a minute? I’ll check the perimeter and get back quickly. Please, baby.” Barun asked me softly, going back to the same man who’d assured me I was safe on many nights.
I nodded slowly, trusting his words. Trusting he would be back for me. Removing my tight grip, I felt him slide out of the bed and walk down the stairs. At once, I lay down in the fetal position, hugging myself, hoping the chilliness that spread to my soul would dissipate.
A few minutes later, I heard Barun’s footsteps and waited. The bed dipped slightly before he spoke in the same soft voice. “Sweetheart, there’s no one around this place. I would have shot them on sight if I’d seen anyone.” He gently brushed a strand of hair from my forehead.
“Ca…can you lie down here today? Please?” I mumbled softly, not wanting to be alone.
“Of course.”
Frowning, I wondered if he sounded brusque but didn’t overthink it. I knew I needed him with me, preferably with his arms around me. I missed the familiar surroundings of my room and my family. And Barun alone could make it alright.
Mercifully, before my thoughts could spiral out of control, Barun pulled me against him, spooning behind my back. The familiar touch of his arms around my waist instantly calmed me, sharpening my thoughts, helping me focus on our breathing that was beginning to align together as one.
After minutes, or maybe more, I felt warmth return to my system. The adrenaline spike came down, bringing with it a languorous feeling over my body. Barun had switched off the light before joining me in bed, and the darkness, which was previously scary, now seemed to heighten the sensations that my body experienced.
The solid weight of his arm, the crispy texture of his hair against my back, and the measured breathing; I felt everything. Clutching the sheet, I swallowed my moan, but my traitorous body moved against him, brushing against his length that was already hard.
Hearing my gasp, Barun moved away, apologizing at once. “I’m sorry, Princess. Ignore it. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll sit beside the bed.”
I turned around at his words, clutching at him, shaking my head no. “No, I don’t want you to go anywhere, and no, I don’t want to ignore it. Not anymore.” I ran my hand over his chest, enjoying Barun’s warm and solid presence.
Over the past two months, I’d yearned for Barun’s attention, his touch, his lovemaking, and most of all, his acceptance of me. I’d pushed his limits and tested his patience, hoping it would make him choose me. When that didn’t happen, I’d teased a reaction out of him.
Now, in the wake of danger, when all those superficial games and emotions were stripped off of me, only his touch and the safety of his presence registered. My brothers, or the million reasons we couldn’t be together, didn’t matter. It all seemed distant and meaningless in his arms.
In this instant, looking at his glittering eyes that were filled with concern and desire, I knew what I had to do.
“Make love to me, Barun. Please,” I begged, making myself vulnerable and opening up to another human being at this level for the first time in my life.
I saw him close his eyes for a brief second; his tortured expression perfectly conveyed his internal chaos. “Katy, I don’t have the strength to push you any longer. Please don’t ask this if you’re not a hundred percent sure,” he prayed, his voice cracking with emotions I felt in my bones.
