“No,” Rebel sighed. “But he’s with Diesel and Rocky. They won’t let shit happen to him.”
Unless something’s happened to all three of them.
I didn’t say that, but the thought wasn’t comforting. “Right.”
“The good news,” Hawk began, wincing in pain. “Is that we’re the ones who followed those assholes. Can’t be sure, but I think that ambush was meant for Sledge.”
My eyes slid closed as I wished away the panic, sucking down air that burned my throat and lungs. “Right. Yeah. Okay.” For just a moment, everything felt too harsh and too loud. Too fucking real for the sun to still be shining. Yet inside the clubhouse it was nonstop movement. Motorcycle boots smacked heavily against the floor, lights flickered to life, and the scent of antiseptic cut through the smell of motor oil and gunpowder.
He’s going to be fine,I told myself. Except the truth was twisting inside me.
He might not be.
That was the thought that gutted me, losing Sledge. It was impossible to ignore the truth any longer. And the truth was that somewhere between hating his clipped sentences and his bossy demands, his refusal to open his mind about what his daughter needed and long, slow nights of pleasure, I’d fallen in love with the single dad biker.
He was nothing like the guys that had killed Carlito. Sure, he was gruff on the outside, sparse with his words, and effective with his fists, but he was also gentle and caring with his daughter. He was a good father, a protective man, and a loyal friend.
I loved all of that about him, and that thought right there hit me in the gut and the chest, stealing my breath.
I loved him.
I was in love with a man with a dangerous job, a sweet as pie daughter, an electric touch, and a life so different from mine that I wasn’t sure we had a future beyond a few really hot nights.
Still, I loved him and losing him would devastate me. Tears spilled down my cheeks as those worst case scenarios played on a wicked loop in my mind.
The old ladies in the club, the wives and girlfriends, moved around the space with a practiced ease and a calm I couldn’t match, not right now. They didn’t appear scared, at least not the way I was. They weren’t falling apart or even crying. Their expressions were pinched and worried, but they kept their focus on tasks like bringing first-aid kits, food, and water out.
Ellie stopped in front of me. “How are you holding up, Eliana?”
I laughed, the sound was flat and lacking all humor. “Honestly? I’m not.”
She sat beside me, her smile and her warmth a calming balm right now. “You care about Sledge. That’s okay,” she added softly. “We all care about all of them, some more fiercely than others, but it’s kind of part of the deal of loving these guys.”
“I’ve been through hell before, it shouldn’t be this hard.” Not that this wasn’t hard, but losing my brother was harder.
“It’s always at the beginning.” She smiled softly. “But after the second or third lockdown, you realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”
I nodded but I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to handle the biker lifestyle. Fear pulsed through me so sharp and visceral that I couldn’t imagine going through this on a regular basis. This constant state of fear was unsustainable and though I heard Ellie’s words, I didn’t quite believe them. “There’s also the matter of our different worlds.”
Ellie smiled sweetly. “You think your world and his can’t mesh?”
I shrugged.
“I hear you, but you’d be wrong. Sure these guys are all tough, macho guys with the kind of protective streak that makes you swoon while simultaneously wanted to slap them silly, but they are modern men. Look around, none of us hadfalling for a bikeron our bingo cards.” She pointed out the women. “Laura’s a nurse, I’m an author, Harper’s an event planner,” she laughed.“But there are also two doctors, a former detective, and even a teacher in this big, crazy family of ours.”
“Really?” Her words infused me with a hope I desperately needed because I was willing to give up everything for Sledge, but if I didn’t have to it meant we could do this. We couldhavethis.
“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s unorthodox, I suppose, then again what the hell is traditional about these guys?”
“Good point,” I added with a laugh. How I managed to even laugh during a time like this meant there was hope. That maybe Ellie was right and I was stronger than I realized.
Suddenly Zoya came running into the room. She’d been happily playing on the lawn with Chopper. “Eliana! Guess what Chopper did! I taught him how to play catch!” she said breathlessly.
My heart slammed hard against my chest.
She giggled, the sound so damn sweet that my breath exploded out of me. Tears spilled before I could stop them.
“They’re happy tears,” I said to her before she could get worried. “Your daddy’s gonna be so happy.”
