I leaned back in my chair. “I don’t know.”
She nodded like she’d already known the answer. Then she looked back down at the papers between us, like she couldn’t acknowledge the shift between us more than she already had.
I let the silence stretch another beat before clearing my throat. “By the way, I might need to head out to Armstrong Flight Research tomorrow. Just a quick trip. One of our payload mounts didn’t hold up in testing.”
“Armstrong?” she asked, eyes flicking back up. “Not Ames?”
“Yeah. NASA center near Edwards Air Force Base. They need me there. I’ll be back the next day.”
She nodded again, and this time, she didn’t quite meet my eyes. “Sounds important.”
“Not more important than this,” I said.
She bit on her lower lip and nodded, her eyes drifting shut for a moment as if my words pained her more than they helped.
The last thing I wanted was to cause pain to the woman I loved.
But somehow, loving her and hurting her were starting to feel like the same damn thing.
27
Ruby
I SIGNED THE CONTRACTwith the roofer we’d chosen, walked him through the structural adjustments with Dave and Sebastian, and made sure his plan aligned with everything Sebastian flagged.
And the whole time, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sebastian—even though he was right there.
I wanted to reach out, to touch him, to say something. To undo that twitch in his jaw. But I didn’t. Because wanting wasn’t the same as knowing what to say.
Instead, I kept finding stupid excuses to brush my fingers or shoulder against his—to feel he was still there, still within reach—while we crammed together to inspect the roofline or discussed rafter spacing.
I wasn’t a crier; couldn’t remember the last time I cried, but now my throat tightened, my eyes stung, and something crested inside me, a wave threatening to break.
After he drove off, I texted the Beach, Please group to finalize our plans for the day after tomorrow. We’d already skipped one meeting since Rio and Evangeline came by, andDaphne promised she could make it this time, so it had to happen.
Besides, I needed to clear my head. I needed to be around people who knew me outside of Sebastian. Who might help me make sense of this. Of me.
Because I had no experience with whateverthiswas.
Not even close.
I was beginning to think about things I’d never let myself consider before. What-ifs and maybes jackhammered at my thoughts and heart. But the worst-case scenarios were the loudest of them all, echoing like they’d had years to practice.
28
Sebastian
THE DRIVE WAS LONGand quiet. I didn’t mind. The miles gave me room to think, and the silence opened a window for perspective.
Armstrong’s request had come last-minute, but the work itself was routine—payload integration review and a stubborn calibration issue they wanted another pair of eyes on. We wrapped up around ten p.m., and I stayed overnight to attend a debrief the next morning before heading back.
“Your ferns miss you. They’re hanging on, but barely.”Nathan’s text arrived just as I stepped out of the shower in the hotel room Armstrong booked for me.
“They’ll survive. I left them in good hands.”
“Good hands? I’m keeping four of them alive. This is a hostage situation.”
I chuckled and barely managed to start typing when another message dropped.
