“And Owen will probably go back to England at some point,” I added, dropping that little bomb on the table. “There was an article about his recovery and seems he’s expected back. I know he has feelings for me, but ... I will never put myself between him and his career. It’s enough that I’ve put myself between him and my brother. And ...” My throat dried. I almost stopped myself, almost pushed the thought back where I kept it locked up. But it was already out. “... even if he wanted me, like, to go with him ...”
It chafed when I swallowed. “I can’t fit in his life there. It’s not for me. At all. That’s where we’resodifferent. Besides, I don’t think he’ll ask me.”
“So what are you planning on doing?” Evangeline looked as if she was looking for that same answer herself.
“Maybe I should be Ruby about it.” I smiled at Ruby and patted her shoulder. “Let it run its course and pick up the pieces later.”
“That’s where you’re not ‘Rubying’ it at all,” Ruby said. “I don’t have pieces to pick up.”
“Your heart is intact. Always,” Evangeline said. She sounded as jealous of Ruby’s ability as I felt.
Daphne lifted her glass, meeting my eyes. “And what if waiting to pick up the pieces just means you’re standing in the wreckage the whole time?”
The way a little elevator had just dropped in my stomach, I knew she hit a nail right on its head. “What do you mean?” I asked to make sure.
“What if you’re already in the painful part—feeling like this relationship has an expiration date, knowing Owen won’t stay or ask you to come, feeling like you don’t belong in his world. You’re already emotionallythere—so what’s the point of waiting for the shoe drop?”
We were all silent for a moment.
Evangeline took a swig off her glass.
“She has a point, you know,” Ruby said, glancing at me. “Admittedly, she said it better than my ‘just enjoy the moment rather than define it’, but it means the same.”
Daphne took a slow sip of her drink. “I know it’s easier said than done, unless you’re Ruby. But if you’re already in it—heart and all—maybe you should stop trying to protect yourself from something that hasn’t even happened yet. Because you’re already feeling everything as if the worst has already happened, Rio. So maybe ... just feel it.”
Ruby waved her hand toward Daphne, as if to sayTrue that!
Daphne’s words settled over me, threading into thoughts I’d already had but never quite knew how to hold rather than loop over and over. I knew the risks, knew what it wouldmean when it ended, and I went for it anyway. I still had no fucking idea what I was doing, but I was doing it anyway.
Going. Doing. Acting. Not overthinking, dammit! That’s what I should be doing.
Dealing with Simon, with the future, with my own heart—would have to wait. I should learn not just from Ruby, but from nineteen-year-old Rio: Let myself have this—without a plan, without a safety net. Just him. Just now.
After dinner with the girls and a few more drinks for those of us who didn’t drive, Ruby dropped me back home before going home herself to Coral Bay.
“Everyone’s life is complicated, Rio. Daph and Eve have their own brand of complicated. Everyone, except me, maybe, because I choose not to complicate it. The Inn and my family is enough complication. I don’t need more. I know it’s easier to judge when you’re not in someone else’s shoes. That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“I love you, Ruby. I know you just want the best for me.”
We hugged and I went inside.
It was late and the house was dark.
My room was empty, and on the other side of the hall no light came from under Owen’s door. After a short visit to the bathroom to empty all those margaritas, I entered his room quietly. With the light that came through the window, I saw him sleeping, lying on his side.
He looked like a dream.
I crawled under the light blanket that covered him up to his waist and settled in a spoon position against him. He draped an arm over my waist and breathed into my hair.
For the first time since we started sleeping together, we actually slept. His body was strong,comforting, the beating of his heart steady and calming, the warmth of his skin enveloping me into sleep.
30
Owen
“THIS ONE!” RIO TRACEDher fingertip on my lips.
“This one what?”
