“What did you tell Rio?” She angled her head and looked at me from the corner of her narrowed eyes, like an interrogator.
“That I wanted to take you out, because I did. And she thinks we’re together, anyway, remember?”
Her eyes widened. Oceans I’d happily drown in.
She swallowed, probably adding killing Rio to her to-do list.
“Can you imaginemewith your younger friends or the music business crowd? We don’t even live in the same city.”
“Some of them are older than you. And you’d fit right in with your green, eco-friendly principles.” I enveloped her waist and pulled her closer again. “You forgot to mention that you hate to sweat, so how will I take you to a rock concert where people dance and sweat, right?”
She inhaled. I could see that our proximity affected her.
“I actually like going to concerts,” she mumbled.
That, I had to see—June bellowing out of tune in a concert like she did in the car.
“And I actually dislike living in San Francisco,” I said.
I could see the wheels in her mind spinning, coming up with more excuses. So, I decided to help her.
“What will I do with a woman who’s only once held a guitar in her life, right? I can teach you. And Iknowyou can enjoy sweat. We both love rock andSeinfeld, and we both had less-than-ideal childhoods. See? We can go on all night, June, making lists, pros and cons. But it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m much older than you.” The finality in her eyes told me that she had saved this best for last.
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“You will.”
“I won’t. I can safely say that I have more life experience than you. For one, I moved across the world; you’ve never been outside the US, maybe even outside of California. Six thousand miles can make up for ten years.” I didn’t think it was time to mention that I’d had more relationships.
June didn’t say a word, just averted her eyes. Her palm was still on the rose tattoo. She recoiled her hand as if she had been burned by it and took a step back, which meant she bumped her backside against the counter.
I noticed that in her list of excuses, none had said,I’m not in love with you.
“And like I said, June; I’m not done with you. I never will be,” I whispered, pulling her in for a kiss.
I then carried her to her bed and there, stripping again, we drowned any other words in each other.
29
June
Maybe he would hate me as much as I hated myself by now.
I wouldn’t blame him.
Many would think the easiest thing to do would be to go for it. Enjoy the amazing few weeks or months together, let myself fall even deeper, grab the opportunity to have Angelo in some capacity.
That would be the easiest thing now. But the fall at the end would be too painful to bear.
I had never loved anyone as I loved him. It was too late now, my heart too far gone for something casual, and I wasn’t the type to carpe any diem, anyway.
So, I preferred to do the hard thing now rather than sustain worse impact later.
This decision kept me up all night, even after Angelo had succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep.
When the sun came up, I dragged myself out of bed, leaving him there, and went for a longer than usual jog. I needed the crisp morning air and the view of the ocean to get some perspective.
