He acknowledged it with a single nod. After watching me for a moment, he added, “Can I ask you something?”
Oh no.
“How much money do you owe? How much money do you have on you?”
At that moment, I thought of Mr. Rochester asking Jane Eyre, “How much have you, Jane, in the whole world?” I was sad when the tattered copy of that book that I had owned since high school had been lost in one of my many apartment moves.
“I have a twenty in my purse, and three hundred thirty-seven dollars and sixty-three pennies in my account.” I knew exactly how much I had in my purse, having paid at the grocery and bakery earlier. And I had checked my balance during my lunch break, as I did twice a week, obsessively, waiting for the number to indicate that I could afford paying rent again. “And I owe two hundred thousand dollars, give or take.”
“A lot.”
“Yes.”
“Students loans, loans to cover loans,partialscholarships, bringing up two kids alone?” he asked, but it was clear he had already guessed everything and knew the answer.
“All of that and then some,” I said with a nervous smile I couldn’t kill.
“And that’s why you worked at the party?”
“Extra income.” I shrugged.
“Yet you buy me groceries?”
I laughed. “This fridge looked like it was raided by my sons and their friends. You can pay me later.” I chuckled again. He was letting me live here rent-free, fixed my car, wanted me to take his, and all I had done was spend a few dollars on him.
A smile flitted across Oliver’s face. He then gestured with his chin at my scrubs. “How long have you been working there?”
“At the home? Twelve years.” I was relieved that he changed the subject. I was afraid he’d offer me money. I didn’t mind him asking me how much I had or owned, but I didn’t want to owe him more than I already did, for the sake of what was left of my pride.
“Do you like it?”
Strangely, no one had ever asked me that. People either assumed I put up with it because it paid the bills, or they had aaww, you poor thinglook on their face when I told them, while others said things like, “You people are angels.” True, changing adult diapers, helping them bathe, and nursing sick and old people wasn’t glamorous, but no one ever asked me what Ilikedabout my job.
“Yeah. I love it when we go out to the garden on sunny days; I love the way people’s faces light up when their families walk in, and when they learn a new thing at their age, and when we go with the more capable ones to watch plays or on a guided tour. My manager is great. She let me stay there, and when I initiated activities that would attract grandkids to visit more often, like D&D tournaments, Anime drawing, or Harry Potter lectures, she let me run them. And I love my tenants, especially Vi. She’s just …” I laughed as I described Vi and repeated some of her antics.
Oliver smiled, mirroring my smile, although he didn’t even know who I was talking about, and I had observed how his jaw muscle had tightened when I’d said people’s faces light up when their families arrive.
“She sounds great,” he said.
“She really is. She’s driving everyone crazy. Sorry for the TED talk, though. I went on and on.”
“Best TED talk I ever heard.”
We were both leaning against a counter, opposite each other, in this design-magazine-worthy kitchen, and I was wondering about the ebb and flow that was Oliver. Even when he was kind and attentive, and maybe even amused, he was still eclipsed behind a layer of aloofness.
“Did you end up in nursing school? I always thought you’d be a great advocate and would study law.”
I was surprised. I never actually told him that being an advocate used to be my dream. “No. I was hoping to get to law school eventually, but I never graduated.”
“You didn’t get a scholarship?”
“I did. I never told you back when we …” I stammered on the words, feeling my body heat up even more at the memory of that night after college. “I had dropped out two years before that … day.”
From the way he looked at me, it was clear that Oliver, too, knew I was referring to that night we met again when my boys were small.
“Because you got pregnant?”
“No. That happened after. I was arrested and lost the scholarship.”
