“I’m not good at this.”
“Yeah, it’s crazy. I thought you had dated a lot.” Abby shrugged. “Clearly they weren’t after you for your personality.”
I took a breath and tried to organize my thoughts. She was right. I’d shown up to a gunfight without any bullets. Now I was desperately scrambling around my brain for ammo.
“Ina laughs at things that aren’t funny,” I said. “She laughs, not because she’s being polite, but because she thinks I’m amusing. No one has ever thought I was amusing.”
Abby’s expression softened slightly. “That’s kind of something, but if all you care about is someone laughing at your jokes, get a pet hyena. It would be less mean than Ina right now.”
“Okay, she gave me a ridiculous pink mug before we’d even met and I use it every morning. It’s the only splash of color in my entire apartment.” It was true. “Actually, she’s the only splash of color in my entire life. Everything was black and white and data-driven before her. She made me see things differently.”
Abby nodded, which I thought was a good sign, but it could also mean she was deciding just how much force to put into her kick to my balls. “Continue.”
I kept talking, outlining all the things I loved about Ina. How I was weirdly obsessed with the back of her head, from watching her from my office. Yes, it was a little odd, but everyone’s path to love was paved with different bricks.
How the gifts she gave me resonated because it was clear she knew me well. How she knocked everyone dead at that gala in that blue dress. The one so hot we left almost immediately after she showed up.
I told Abby how much I missed Ina, and how empty my days were without her smile.
Abby started to clap, slowly and lightly at first, then building up to genuine applause.
What in the actual fuck was happening?
Abby stopped and looked at me with a smile. “Good for you. You’re not just a calculator with a nice car. You’re a real human being. And I absolutely think you should say all of that to Ina.”
I nodded, relieved. “So can I come in?”
“She isn’t here,” Abby said.
“She’s not here! You put me through all of that and she isn’t here?”
She shrugged. “I told you. I needed to make sure you were legit. I’ll allow you to talk to her, but I’m warning you, I wear steel-toed shoes. I will kick your ass and other parts.” She pointed at her eyes and then me. “I’m watching you.”
She went back inside and closed the door.
I stared at the door and tried to figure out what it meant that I had passed her test.
CHAPTER 37
INA
Idid not want to be walking to Times Square on Valentine’s Day. I was still pretty new to the city, but even I knew Times Square was always a nightmare. There were too many tourists, too many lights, and too much noise.
But on Valentine’s Day? It was exponentially worse.
There were couples everywhere, taking selfies and kissing under the billboards. Their love and joy made me want to crawl back into my apartment and hide under my blankets.
But Abby had other plans.
“Come on,” she said, pulling me along by my coat sleeve. “We’re going to miss it.”
“Miss what? The commercial? I was in the commercial, Abby. I don’t need to see it on a giant screen with thousands of other people.”
“You do, actually. Trust me.”
“I don’t want to see how happy I look. How naïve I had been back then.” My voice broke and I cleared my throat. “It’s going to hurt.”
“I think you might be pleasantly surprised. Come on.”
