“You don’t! You really don’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have needed that match to tell you what you felt. What I felt for you was the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”
“That’s what I feel too.”
“But you needed confirmation! You needed your precious algorithm to tell you it was okay to feel that way. You needed data to back up your emotions like they weren’t valid without it.”I wiped my eyes, my hands shaking. “And I hate that. I hate that you can’t just love me without needing a computer to tell you it’s the right decision.” I shoved my badge against his chest. “I quit.”
“What?”
“I quit. I’m done. I can’t work for you. No, Iwon’twork for you.”
“Ina, please.”
“I’m done, Dane. I’m done.” I ran down the rest of the stairs and through the turnstile. I didn’t look back. I didn’t care if he followed.
I found a seat in the corner and finally let myself fall apart. Back to being the crazy girl on the train. The train pulled away from the station. A few people looked at me with concern, but most pretended not to notice.
I cried for the relationship I thought we had. I shed tears for the man I thought he was. Mostly, I cried for the future I imagined we might build together.
I cried for being stupid enough to fall in love with my boss.
“Excuse me, dear.”
I looked up through blurry eyes to find an older woman sitting across from me. She was probably in her seventies, with silver hair pulled back in a neat bun and kind eyes that crinkled at the corners.
“Yes?”
“Do you need help?” The sweetness in her voice was like a soothing balm over my ragged soul.
My tears cleared enough for me to speak. “Thank you for asking, but I’m alright. I mean, I’m going through something, but it’s not the end of the world. It just feels like it.”
“Man trouble?”
I let out a watery laugh. “Is it that obvious?”
“I’ve been alive long enough to recognize that particular brand of heartbreak.” She pulled a packet of tissues from herpurse and handed it to me. “What did he do? Sleep with your sister?”
I smiled through my tears. “Nothing like that, thankfully. We work together and now it’s all falling apart.”
She nodded like she understood. “Lots of couples meet at work, but it’s certainly a gamble.”
“He said he didn’t believe in love and now he says he’s changed.” I frowned. “What do you think? Can people change?”
“In most ways, I would say no, but learning to believe in love can happen, even if it happens a bit late in life.” The old woman smiled. “Sometimes a man needs to lose something before he realizes how much it meant to him. Before he stops being afraid and just lets himself feel.” She patted my knee. “My husband was a difficult man at first. Drove me absolutely insane.”
“What happened?”
“I left him.” She said it matter-of-factly. “I moved out. Got my own apartment. Didn’t talk to him for two months.”
“And?”
“And he showed up at my door in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, looking like a drowned rat. He said living without me was unbearable. His life didn’t make sense without me in it.”
That brought a smile to my face. “Sounds like a sweet man.”
“Yes, but he was also a fool. He caught pneumonia and almost died. I had to nurse him back to health.” She smiled at the memory.
“How long were you married?”
“Forty-two years before he passed.” Her eyes were soft with memory. “Best decision I ever made, leaving him that first time. Because when he came back, he understood what he wanted. His doubts had burned away while we were apart.”
