CHAPTER 33
INA
Iloved him so much I hated him. How could he be so beautiful and so hateful at the same time? My heart was shattered.
I had promised Abby I wouldn’t run back to Wyoming, but that was before. Before I got put on leave. Norma could say it was temporary, but there was no coming back from that. The gossip mill would be churning out stories about why I had been banished.
I would never step foot in that place again. I wouldn’t allow them the pleasure of laughing at me. Or firing me, which was also a strong possibility.
“What?” I asked, my voice flat. “What else could you possibly have to say?”
“Everything. I have everything to say. You have to let me explain.”
“Explain what? I know what you’re going to say. I don’t need to hear it. I don’t care. You are who you are. And it’s over. Done.”
“No, it’s not done,” he said, his voice rough. “I messed up. I said things I didn’t mean because Keith was threatening to go to the board and I panicked. I thought if I could convince him nothing was happening between us, I could protect you.”
“Protect me?” I laughed bitterly. “You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting yourself and your precious company.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then what were you doing?” I yanked my arm free from his grasp. “Because from where I was standing, it sounded like you were telling your friend that I was nothing. That what we had was fake. That you don’t believe in love, still, even after everything.”
“I was lying to him!”
“Were you lying to him or lying to me?” The question came out full of bitterness. “Because it all sounded pretty convincing. You didn’t stumble over your words. You didn’t hesitate. You laid it all out so clearly, so perfectly. Like you’d rehearsed it.”
His jaw clenched. “I’ve spent my entire adult life building walls around myself. I know exactly what to say to make people believe I don’t care. It’s what I do. It’s how I’ve survived.”
“Well, congratulations, it worked.” Tears were streaming down my face now and I didn’t bother wiping them away. “You convinced me and you live to survive another day.”
“Ina, see reason.”
“Do you know what the worst part is?” I cut him off. “I told you what I wanted. I was so stupidly honest with you from the beginning. I told you I believed in love. I told you I wanted romance and commitment and all those things you think are for suckers. And youknewthat. You knew exactly what you were getting into when you pursued me.”
“I know.”
“And you did it anyway!” My voice cracked. “You made me believe you had changed. You made me think that maybe you were different than what everyone said about you. That grumpy, cynical Dane Kavanagh actually had a heart buried somewhere under all that ice.”
“I do!” His hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I do have a heart and you’re the one who reawakened it. You’re the one who made me believe that maybe all the bullshit I’ve believed for years was wrong.”
“Then why did you say those things to Keith?”
“Because I was scared!” The admission seemed to cost him something. “Because Keith was standing in my penthouse threatening everything, and all I could think about was keeping you safe. I wanted to keep you away from the board and the gossip and the potential fallout. I thought if I could make him believe nothing was happening, I could figure out a better way to handle this.”
“By throwing me under the bus?”
“I wasn’t throwing you under the bus. I was taking the hit!”
“No, you were lying. And maybe that’s what you do best.” I stepped back toward the subway entrance. “But here’s the thing, Dane, you knew what I wanted. Didn’t I make that clear? I wanted real. I wanted magic. I wanted someone who believed in love the way I do.”
“And I’m getting there,” he said. “I’m learning to believe.”
“No, you don’t. You believe in data. You believe in algorithms. You believe in things you can measure and quantify and put in a spreadsheet.” My voice was rising now. I didn’t care that people were staring as they passed us. “I actually liked you. More than liked you. I fell in love with you. And I thought you felt the same way. I am such an idiot.”
“I do feel the same way. We’re both idiots!”
“Bullshit.”
