“I could tell by the look in their eyes.”
“I think you just want me gone so you don’t have to share a room anymore,” I say, surprising myself with my joke. I guess the elixir is working.
“No,” she says. “It’s more than that. They were talking at dinner about some legal loopholes, it didn’t apply to humans, but… oh, this elixir, it also makes it difficult to think. But I know you couldn’t understand. In fact, I felt like Rafe was purposely using words you wouldn’t understand.”
“He wouldn’t want me to hope,” I say.
She squeezes my hand and then lets go and pulls back. “If you want to talk about what happened today—I mean when you remember it with the emotional intensity you should, and you will—you can talk to me. I haven’t experienced exactly what you did, but I’ve experienced some things, with my body and mind, that are comparable, and I survived. And so will you.”
“Thank you,” I say and oddly feel fine as I close my eyes and think about Rafe and Lorian. I run my fingers up and down my arms, remembering the way they used to caress me. Not like today, but before. When we all could be our private selves. The way they would take turns loving me as if I was someone they could never live without. I have never been invisible to them. Even today, I wasn’t invisible… or is that just the elixir guiding my thoughts?
71
A HEART THAT KEEPS BEATING, EVE
ZIRA OF HOUSE SERATH WINS
Matriarch Zira of Rima has chosen to marry Ascendant Alliance Sovereign Directors Rafe and Lorian.
A victory for one woman and a disappointment for thousands of others.
The news comes during breakfast.Gai talks about it casually, like he’s discussing the weather.
"The marriage negotiations are finalized. Rafe and Lorian will wed Zira of House Serath next week.”
I lose control and begin to cry.
“I want none of this, Eve. No crying. Tears make people careless.” He swats at me with his hand, and I back away into a corner. “They’re too close to power tohave a choice in this,” Gai says.
The breakfast room is spinning as I think about them with someone else. A woman that I can never be. A rich, grey-skinned, free and equal Reima Two woman.
“It’s a strategic match. The Ascendant Alliance couldn’t have asked for any better,” Gai continues talking.
Rafe and Lorian are getting married to someone else.
How can they do this to me? After everything that I did here. How I have suffered. I can’t focus.
Gai continues talking, oblivious to my world ending. "Of course, these Reima Two arrangements are primarily about business. Zira of House Serath will bring legitimacy. Capital. Everything we lost whenyoudecided to play revolutionary, Eve. This is the best thing that could have happened.”
I stop breathing. I simply forget how. I think my heart will stop beating next, and then I will just die. Naked and collared and heartbroken.
"Purely transactional, naturally,” Gai's voice drifts through the roaring in my ears, but his words don’t make any sense to me anymore.
All I hear is my heartbeat pounding.
No.
No.
No. It can’t be!
The world tilts, and black spots dance in my vision.
Someone is screaming somewhere. Maybe it’s me.
I grab frantically at my hair trying to stop the pounding in my head.
"Restrain her," Gai orders, "before she damages herself."
