Usually, I hate talking about Mom. It always hurts so bad, even the happy memories. But talking about her to Nico, someone I know will appreciate hearing about her, it’s easy. My hand goes to my ribs, but for once, it doesn’t hurt to touch my scar. It feels like healing.
“Did she have any family? Someone that could tell you about her after…” Nico’s voice trails off.
“No. Her dad was dead, and her mom cut her off when she got a new family. No siblings. All I have are Dad’s memories, but he talks about her often. He never sugarcoats anything, never makes her out to be some sort of angel. She had her flaws and I love hearing about them. Made her human. Means she was real.”
Nico’s face softens, but he doesn’t try to coddle me. He probably knows I’d shut down if he did. How the fuck does he know me so well?
About fifteen minutes later, dinner is done. I plate our food, then incline my head to the balcony. “It’s not too could outside. Wanna sit out there and eat?”
“Yeah, let’s do it. Beer?”
“I have some in the fridge. Bring the whole six-pack.”
“You wanna get drunk, Whitlock?”
“No, but I don’t wanna keep running in and out in case I do.”
I step outside and Nico follows me out a few seconds later, placing the beers on the table.
We sit, and I watch as Nico puts a forkful of food into his mouth. He groans and closes his eyes, placing his hand on his chest. “Jesus. I see why Dominic fell for your mom. If she cooked half as good as you, I think he hit the jackpot.”
I grin. “Yeah, he did. They were perfect together.” I push my food around on my plate. “Wish I could have seen her grow old. Her and Dad together would have been unstoppable.” I pause and look up at the stars. “She wouldn’t have approved of your boss marrying her son, that’s for sure.”
“Aw, come on. Kai really isn’t that bad. You just don’t like him because y’all were on opposite sides. You didn’t like me, either. Now look at you, cuddled up with me and cooking me dinner.”
I laugh loudly, splitting the night air with the sound. “Oh, fuck off. I wanted to cook and wanted the company. You should consider yourself lucky that I invited you over for something other than my dick in your ass.”
Now that I mention it, I did invite him here for something other than that. It wasn’t because I wanted to fuck him or for him to fuck me. I wanted the closeness, the company,the companionship. Being in Nico’s company makes me happy.
It’s been so long since I’ve been truly happy that the emotion feels foreign.
He grunts. “Yeah, okay. Though those piercings are a good reason to call me over.”
We chuckle and eat our food, making small talk, but nothing as deep as our conversation in the kitchen. I like talking to him about my mom, but it’s left me feeling raw. I don’t think I have it in me to get deep like that again.
Nico pushes his plate away when he’s done and pats his belly. “God damn, Declan. I might have to put a ring on your finger after that meal. I need more.”
“Don’t wanna be married. That’s a shitty proposal, anyway.”
He tilts his head as he looks at me. “Never?”
I start to say no, but I’m not sure if that’s the entire truth. At first, yeah, I never wanted to be married. Felt it would tie me down and make me soft. But seeing Carter and Kai, how they have each other’s back, how they put each other first, it’s what I’ve always wanted.
Since Mom died, I’ve never been anyone’s first. Finding that special someone that can see past my bullshit, that would be…nice.
“Maybe,” I answer instead. “Who knows what the future holds.”
Nico hums and leans back in his chair, looking up at the sky. “When was the last time you looked at the stars?
“A few weeks ago. When I took that jackass out to the middle of the Atlantic and dropped him over the side.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. I’ve never done it. Always wanted to.”
“Wanna try it one day?”
“Fuck yeah I do. You gonna take me?”
On impulse, I walk over to him and step between his legs. Placing my hands on the arms of the chair, I lean in and kiss him gently. “It’s a date.”
