Irritation settles between my shoulder blades and stress makes my tired eyes burn.
I’m going to hear about this from Dad and Carter, especially after theyjustwarned me about shooting people.
I’m not in the mood to hear their shit tonight. Not with how on edge I am and the fissure in my heart.
I need relief.
I need to get out of my head for a few hours, if only so I can be chill when I get my ass chewed for not following orders.
Tonight, I want to pretend that I’m a normal guy not hounded by his family and his loneliness.
The Devil’s Den will help cool me out. Someone sucking my dick and pulling my nut from my balls always does the trick.
CHAPTER 5
NICO
“Go on,” Kai says. “Get out of here.”
“And go where?” I ask, eyebrow raised.
“Who fucking cares? Just get out of the house.” He leans against his desk, arms crossed over his chest. “When was the last time you had a night off?”
“Every night. We live together.”
He gives me an unamused look. “Let me rephrase. When was the last time you stayed outside of the house without me?”
I look up toward the ceiling. “Remember your wedding night?”
Kai laughs. “Exactly. You need a break. Gavin is here and so are twenty other men that will lay down their lives for me and Carter. Gavin got sent away last week. It’s your turn. I don’t want to burn you out.”
“It’s my job, St. Clair. I don’t?—”
“You don’t need to be cooped up in this mansion every night, regardless of its luxury. You gotta go. I’m kicking you out one night every week. Got it?”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Yeah, I got it.”
I grab my keys on my way out and drive around the city. I don’t dwell on the fact that I feel antsy and out of place not being near Kai. He’s safe at the mansion with his husband, Gavin, and all the guards Declan assigned to them, but I don’t like not having eyes on him.
There have been times when I was off the clock and away from him—we’re notthatcodependent—but that was before he ran off on metwice. The first time, after getting falling-down drunk at a nightclub, he got mugged and beaten up in an alley, leaving him with a concussion. The second time, he was so drunk that a twink from a damn sex club had to call Carter to come pick him up. If it weren’t for that twink, there’s no telling what could have happened to Kai.
Maybe he’s right. I need to stop worrying about him so much. But he’s my best friend. After seeing what a wreck Declan was after losing Hendrix, I don’t want that to be me.
Declan tried to hide his pain, even fooling his own brother, but I saw through that shit. He was hurting and no one bothered to ask if he was okay, if he needed anything. He pushed us all away, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need someone. The flowers I sent were pitiful as fuck, but the look in his eyes showed me everything I needed to know—Declan wanted someone to tell him everything would be okay and mean it.
When I told him he’d be okay, that I was there if he needed someone to talk to, he gave me one of the most confused looks I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s not used to me talking to him without me needling him into an argument, but after losing his friend, it wasn’t the time.
Fuck, why am I thinking about Declan? I don’t even like him. But losing his best friend stirred something in me, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s really okay.
In this business, we don’t show our pain; we push past it.We don’t show weakness; we don’t show our feelings. I can only imagine what he has pent up inside.
As I’m driving downtown, my gaze flicks over to the alley that leads to the back entrance of The Devil’s Den. Now that I think about it, I haven’t gotten my dick wet in like four months. I’ve been so focused on work that nothing more than my hand has been close to my cock.
“No time like the present,” I murmur as I make a U-turn and head to the club.
Since I had to guard Kai at all times, I have my own membership for The Devil’s Den. Not like I’ve used it for myself, though. When Kai was single, I’d wait for him to finish his exhibitionism, sipping on a Coke, and making sure no one fucked with him.
I skipped out on actually watching Kai fuck. I love him like a brother, but we don’t need to know what the other’s dick looked like.
