I tipped my head back, eyes burning. I wanted Lyrae to look up at me like she looked at Varian and Ryland and I would feel loved, too, the way I hadn’t been since my mother died, and maybe this hole inside me would fill up with something other than hate.
The truth hit me, my heart yearning like it might burst out of my chest.
I was alone, like I’d been my entire fucking life.
But never had alone felt this lonely, as when I cleaned myself up and snuck back down the empty hall to my room, filled with shame and praying I didn’t get caught.
36
LYRAE
The jagged spires of Evernight Castle sliced into a frozen sky, a silhouette of sharp angles and menace dusted in snow. My heart thudded painfully as my ass bounced on the wagon seat, Varian shouting at the horses to fucking run faster.
Behind us, Grimbeasts howled, close enough I heard their thudding feet, and vaguely, Ryland’s lighter footsteps, racing just ahead of them. The road was a slick sheet of ice, snow spinning around us on a wicked winter wind. The loose straw in the wagon streamed behind us in a cloud of pale yellow, and all I could smell was rotten potatoes and chicken blood.
Stupid.
We hit a chuckhole and I bounced so high my feet caught air before my ass crashed down onto the hard, wooden seat.This was stupid and we were all going to die and Ariel would never be free of this awful fucking place because we came up with shit plans that never worked.
“Let us in,” Varian screamed for the third time at the still-locked gates.
“We’re bringing you fuckers your godsdamned food, now open up.” His fear wasn’t an act and hadn’t been, notfor the past mile, when the guards had first spotted us racing for the safety of the castle and done nothing but watch, point, and laugh.
“We’re going to fucking die,” I grumbled, a knife in each hand, praying I didn’t poke one of my eyes out when the wagon went up on two wheels before crashing back down. Another hundred feet and we’d slam into the gates and this whole thing would be over.
“If we survive this, remind me never to agree to one of Ryland’s stupid plans ever again.”
“If I had a gilder for every time you’ve ever said that, Lyrae, I’d be rich,” he groaned. “Now open those fucking gates, you cocksuckers.”
Wonder of wonders, the heavy wooden gates inched open, a bevy of guards lining the top of the battlements, armed with flaming arrows, drawn and ready to fly.
The careening wagon dipped beneath Ryland’s weight as he heaved himself into the back, tossing a ratty blanket over himself. The barrels of rotten potatoes were rolling all over, the poor horses were frothing at the mouths, since I was pretty sure this was the fastest—and the farthest—they’d ever run.
Even though I knew better, I glanced over my shoulder, holding the scarf over my braided-back hair, trying to maintain my non-threatening, hunched-over posture when I really wanted to let loose a foul curse.
“Damn, I shouldn’t have looked,” I grumbled, turning back to the slow-as-fuck opening gates.
“How close are they?” Varian aimed for the widening gap, though I had my doubts we’d fit through.
“Does the whites of their eyes ring a bell?”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be inside in no time,” he said cheerfully. “Then all we have to do is locate the Crown and yoursister, then get back to the island alive. Really, that’s only three things. Should be a piece of cake.”
“I appreciate your confidence, Var. And your simplicity.”
“Are you saying I’m a simpleton?”
“Well, if the shoe fits, then I suppose…”
“Shut up, you two,” Ryland hissed from the back. “Every second counts, so focus.”
“You are always so grumpy right before a job, you know that?”
We flew through the half-open gates, the sides of the wagon grinding against the wood doors with an awful squeal, one of the wheels popping off as the horses panicked, sped up, dragging us across the bailey on three wheels, barreling straight into the front of the castle.
Behind us, arrows streaked up into the sky, lighting up the night, Fae soldiers shouted orders, Grimbeasts roared, and before they could fully secure the gates, two of the beasts slipped inside.
Big ones, high on bloodlust, probably from the trail of sheep’s blood we’d laid all the way here.
