“Calliopegot this for me?” I was confused, maybe a little disappointed. It was ungrateful of me to be disappointed at having a friend who would get me an expensive coat. But Calliope wasn’t that great of a friend, as much as I wanted her to be.
“I got it for you,” Beau clarified gruffly. “Calliope helped pick it out because she knows shit about women’s clothes.”
My heartbeat was a booming drum in my ears as I fingered the zipper on the coat. “You got me a coat. You went shopping for a coat. For me.”
I was not only stating the obvious, but I was repeating it, like I had some kind of concussion.
Which, to be fair, it felt like.
“Yeah, I did,” Beau replied simply. “Your old one won’t keep you warm. I wanted you to be warm. For this winter. And whatever others you find yourself in.”
He wanted me to be warm.
So he bought me a coat. Not just a coat. A coat that probably cost as much as a modest mortgage payment.
For me to be warm.
“I can’t accept this, Beau,” I whispered, ashamed that my eyes were filling, and my words were catching in my throat. “It’s too much.” I looked down because there was no way I could stare at Beau’s gruff, harsh expression while feeling this delicate.
Beau’s fingers grasped my chin in such an unexpected contact that I stopped breathing. When he lifted my face to meet his stormy grey eyes, I quivered at the intensity in them. There was not an inch of harshness in his features.
“No, Hannah,” he murmured. “It is not too much. It’s nowhere near enough.”
“Beau…” I whispered, not even sure of what I was going to say.
But he didn’t give me the chance; he let me go and stepped back, right as Clara bounded into the foyer.
The moment was broken.
sixteen
HANNAH
Beauand I had not spoken since our moment with the coat yesterday. I’d worn it because it was stunning and much warmer than my old one.
I was desperate to navigate my relationship with Beau, to be brave enough to have a frank conversation with him. But I wasn’t brave enough. My cowardice swallowed every word before I could even taste it on my tongue; it averted my eyes every occasion we were alone, which was very rare.
What would I even say? How would I present it beyond jumping his bones once Clara went to bed? And I couldn’t dothat. Even if the mere thought made my body feel light and alive. Even if the vibrator Cole gifted me was likely going to break down from overuse.
Anything I tried to speak to Beau about would only further fracture the fragile dynamic between us. It would make it impossible to stay through my last months with Clara. With everyone else in Jupiter.
Lori and I were together often. She was still trying her best to hide her pregnancy, but I doubted she could do so much longer. I suspected the women at the bakery already knew but were respecting her privacy.
She was struggling with her family, who hadn’t responded to the news well. And with Finn who, apparently, wasn’t leaving her alone. It was nice to be a supportive friend. And a terrible part of me felt less alone, knowing that I wasn’t the only one navigating complicated life circumstances.
But the closer we got, the more I wanted to be there when the baby was born, to help when I could. I wanted to be part of the Jupiter community so very badly, as unrealistic as it was.
Beau and Clara were in the kitchen preparing a pumpkin pie for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner party. It was being hosted at Nora’s place again. Another large group of people. A lot of exposure to germs.
Clara’s doctor had already cleared her for almost all large gatherings, even without a mask. I knew she was beside herself with excitement while Beau quietly freaked out.
She was almost ready to start school. They were going to be conservative, give her some more time, but she was getting close to being a completely normal kid.
She wouldn’t need me soon. And that was a good thing.
A knock at the door jerked me out of my stupor. I’d been pretending to read on the sofa while they worked, really just quietly spiraling. Despite the snow piling up, each day melted away even as more snow fell. One less day I had with Clara. With Beau.
I put down my book. “That’s probably Lori.” Beau was getting ready to leave for the restaurant, and Lori, Clara, and I had planned on a movie night.
