Morning sickness that, apparently, didn’t happen exclusively in the morning. It happened all day every day, according to Lori.
“We didn’t need to go out,” I told her when she came back from the restroom looking pale, nibbling on french fries as soon as she sat down.
“No.” She shook her head. “I needed to get out of my apartment. The four walls were closing in on me.”
Lori, beyond looking sick, also looked stressed. Sad. It was safe to say that this pregnancy had not been planned. The last time we spoke—well, the first time we spoke—she’d told me about her plans to work with UNESCO and document sites in politically unstable regions of the world. It sounded badass, exciting, and dangerous.
Not something one could do while pregnant, or with an infant.
“How far along are you?” I asked cautiously, unsure of how far to probe into her life. We were on our first “friendship date,” after all, but she seemed lost, and I understood how that felt.
“About five or six weeks, I’m guessing.” She dipped her fry in ketchup, staring at it before peering up at me. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”
That surprised me. I liked Lori. We had become fast friends, a connection between us I’d only felt with Cole. But I had seen her with the other women in Jupiter, and it had been obvious she was close to them. They were understanding, progressive women. I doubted they would judge her or offer her nothing but support. Most likely more support than I was equipped to give since my life was a hot mess.
“Everyone else is married,” she explained as if she’d read my mind. “In fairy-tale relationships that defy all odds, with good men who would do anything for them.” She smiled. “And I love that for them, they all deserve it. But that means they have a skewed perception when it comes to any kind of romanticentanglement.” She looked down at her belly. “They would try to turn this into the beginning of a love story with the father. Trust me, there is no version where I end up with the father of this baby. He already told me to get rid of it.”
I winced for her. And I understood why she didn’t want to tell the other women. Like she said, they were living the kinds of lives I hadn’t thought possible with men who were the exception, not the rule. It was wonderful for them but difficult to witness in the midst of a real-life scenario with a real-life man.
“What an asshole,” I muttered.
She nodded in agreement, chewing slowly.
“Do you?” I asked gently. “Want to have an abortion?”
She instantly shook her head. “No. I mean, I considered it. And if you look at things logically, it is the smartest option. Especially since I’ll be an unwed mother.”
I choked out a laugh, thinking she was joking. But her face was grave.
“My family is religious,” she explained. “One of the many reasons I haven’t told them about this. It won’t go down well. And I haven’t had the best track record with men.”
I reached across the table for her hand. “I’m currently fighting to get divorced from an alcoholic, abusive asshole who stole my identity. And now I’m having sex dreams about my boss who is a complete asshole and emotionally unavailable—so you’re not alone in that.”
Her eyes widened in shock at my word vomit. Then she let out a giggle. As did I. Before long, we were both laughing with an edge of hysteria. It felt nice, though. Cleansing. Laughing instead of crying for once.
After we got a hold of ourselves, I asked her, “What are you going to do?”
She sighed then shrugged. “I’m going to finish my PhD and have this baby. I’ll figure it out.”
The confident way in which she said it had me admiring her. I could feel her fear, her anxiety over this, but I could also see the trust she had in herself that it would work out. That she could figure it out.
She pointed at me with a fry. “What areyougoing to do about Beau?”
I’d almost forgotten that I’d blurted about my crush on Beau not two minutes ago. It was only fair. She had told me a secret, trusting me. Plus, I desperately needed to get it out, and I’d spent all that time denying Cole, denying myself. It felt freeing.
“I’ll finish working for him, then I’ll leave. I’ll get my degree, fix my credit, restart my life.” I shrugged, as if it were going to be that simple.
“Selfishly, I wish you were staying here.” Lori gave me a small smile. “I love everyone here, but I’m the odd woman out. It would be nice to have you.”
My stomach pitched. “I wish I could stay too.”
For a second, I let myself believe I might be like Nora, Fiona, or Avery. That I might be someone who had found themselves a rare man. A good one. A happy ending.
But that thought was quickly squashed. Beau was a good father.
But he wasn’t a good man.
Not for me.
