The escape into the chilly day was welcome, feeling upbeat about being with my two favorite people in the world.
I watched Cole with Clara at the park and while we explored the library, genuinely soaking in the joy that was Clara.
They were fast friends by the time he had to leave, her promising to write him and me making false promises about our upcoming trip to New York.
I didn’t know how I was going to get out of that. Clara didn’t forget promises made, and thus far, I hadn’t broken one to her. As far as I knew, neither had Beau.
Why he’d so resolutely stated that I would be in New York was anyone’s guess. Presumably because he wanted to please his daughter. That had to be it. He would continually sacrifice to make his daughter happy.
The prospect of making memories like that with Clara, watching her marvel at New York City, was so enticing. As was seeing more of Cole and meeting his boyfriend. But that meant enclosed spaces with Beau, a new environment.
All ingredients for trouble. I had enough of that on my heels as it was.
“Please answer my calls,” Cole urged when I released him from our tight hug in Beau’s driveway.
Clara had said her goodbyes after exchanging numbers with Cole, even though she didn’t have a phone. Beau dutifully let her program Cole’s number intohisphone.
I totally hated that they had each other’s numbers; it felt like a recipe for disaster, but I couldn’t exactly do much about it.
“I will answer your calls.” I made the promise to my best friend, one I wasn’t going to break. I couldn’t. Now that he wasback in my life, I couldn’t deny the yawning hole he’d left inside of me. He made me feel whole, loved, and important. How I’d even coped without speaking to him every day was a mystery. It was no longer an option.
Cole brushed the hair from my face. “And please stop punishing yourself. Stop saying bad things about yourself. Speak to yourself how you’d speak to Clara.” He spoke with a firm tone, but his eyes were soft, loving.
I pursed my lips, nodding, not wanting to lie out loud.
“I mean it, bitch,” he snapped. “A man like Waylon— too much of a dumb shit to even see the real you—could never be right about who you are.” His gaze darted to the window. “You are never defined by a man. But you can grow and bloom under the gaze of the right one, if you choose. If not, you have plenty of your own sunshine to do it yourself.” He kissed me on the mouth. “You’re coming to New York,” he declared. “And I’ll be back here to help you move into your apartment for school. The offer still stands if you want to transfer to New York.”
“I may take you up on that,” I replied, meaning it.
It wasn’t smart to transfer schools for my last semester, but I could make it work. Being with Cole reminded me of who I used to be.
I had forgotten about the benefits of good friendships, how they made the world brighter, caused me to feel more secure. And I’d denied myself that for what? All I’d done was give Waylon more power over me.
Not anymore, I decided. I would not give Waylon anything else. I wouldn’t give any other man the ability to change how I lived my life. How I talked to myself.
And that included Beau.
BEAU
Hannah seemed different since her friend’s visit. Brighter. Larger. More radiant, if that was even possible. I’d been so intent on ignoring her, not letting myself see her, but it became impossible not to see her. The change was unmistakable. Hannah thrived in the company of people.
That, I’d come to understand. Watching her with the women at the birthday party, seeing her face flushed and eyes alight when she’d stumbled in the front door drunk.
My mind was not allowed to go to the vision of her crawling on all fours. Somehow, I found the image adorably amusing and fucking hot at the same time.
I’d pumped my cock to the image of her, on all fours, naked, crawling tome.
And I was going to pay for being such a pervy bastard, but I couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t temper the need I had for her.
Not just her body, but her smile. I wanted to make her happy. Wanted to see her surrounded by people who loved her, lifted her up.
The change in Clara was unmistakable too. She had never been bereft of love in her short life, but the lack of a constant female presence was something I hadn’t recognized until Hannah.
I watched them sometimes.
Often.
As much as I could.
