“And I got to live. Because Clara lived.Wegot to live. With you. I’ll accept your choice. Whatever it is. But I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. To repent for what I’ve done. Because I got a taste of the life I’ve dreamed of. The woman I’ve dreamed of. I’ve tasted the remnants of it almost being taken away from me. I’ll live with that. Without you. Even if it’s agony. But I’d rather not.”
He wasn’t sharing with me to manipulate me. That I knew of Beau. He was giving it one last shot. For himself, yes. For Clara too.
Instead of answering, I pulled the blanket off.
Slowly, I stood. I had healed well, but my body still ached. Was weaker than I expected it to be.
Beau tensed beside me. I knew he wanted to stand, to help me out of my chair. But the PT had scolded him for doing such things, telling him I needed to fight for my own strength.
And that was an act of great love from Beau. Watching me struggle for my own good, as it physically harmed him.
I knew he was bracing too, for me to walk away. I knew he was expecting it.
He inhaled sharply when I walked toward him, climbing onto his lap. His hands went to either side of my body, clinging to my hips with a featherlight touch.
I sighed at the contact. Not caregiving. Not detached.
Beau’s face was a picture of wonder. Surprise. Hunger.
I immediately felt him harden underneath me, and he looked sheepish. “I’m not pushing for that. It’sjust… what you do to me.”
I let out a small giggle, leaning forward to press my forehead against his. Every tense muscle I didn’t know I’d been holding relaxed at the touch.
“You didn’t lose me,” I whispered. “I’ve always been yours. I’ll always be yours. I love you.”
Beau closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them a kaleidoscope of indecipherable emotions swirled in his irises. “I’ll never forget you saying those words after I’d fucked up so badly, after I broke us. The words I’d been waiting patiently to hear from you, and…” He sighed.
“No more.” I trailed my fingers across his mouth. It felt electrifying and comforting to be able to touch him like that again. “If we’re doing this?—”
He clutched the back of my neck. “We’re fucking doing this.” The obvious hunger he felt leeched from his words.
My body responded viscerally, my pussy tingling. I’d had snatches of want—seeing Beau coming out of the shower. Feeling his lips brush my forehead when I was sleeping. But the pain, the memories, had made me worry that maybe that side of me had died in the snow.
It absolutely had not.
“I was content to be honorable, deal with the consequences of my actions.” His eyes blazed as they bounced between mine. “I restrained every urge to hold you in my arms, to kiss you, to fuck you when your body allowed…” His grip tightened as my sock-clad toes curled with need.
Beau took a visible breath, the cloud of desire disappearing from his eyes. “Because I thought it’s what you wanted. You, in my lap, are saying it’s not what you wanted, so there is noifwe’re doing this.” He laid his lips on mine in a delicate, airy kiss. “We’re doing this, Hannah.”
“We are,” I agreed breathlessly, grinding against his cock. “But that means you’re not torturing yourself, trying to make up for the past. Me forgiving you means I forgive you. Fresh start.”
Beau’s fingers dipped beneath the buttons of the sleep shirt I was wearing, grazing the red puckered skin, only just recently freed of the bandage.
I gasped. The touch didn’t hurt, but the skin was sensitive. I was self-conscious of this new, ugly part of me.
“I want to give you everything you ask for.” His hands ghosted over my breasts, eliciting a moan from me. “But I cannot give you that. There are no fresh starts when there are scars here.” He slid his fingertips over my chest again. “Inside and out.”
I knew it was a big ask to expect Beau not to punish himself. He was so well practiced at it. I resolved to wear him down. Eventually.
“Okay,” I relented. “I have another request.”
“Anything.”
I pressed my lips to his. “Fuck me now, please.”
Beau didn’t reply, just stood up with me in his arms, out of the chair in a move that made me intensely impressed by his quad strength.
Our mouths pressed together. Finally meeting in a kiss I’d been waiting for. Aching for. It wasn’t as passionate as I wanted it to be. It was slow. Careful.
